


Don't Let Your Heart Get Heavy

by SpicyCheese



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Asexuality, Coming Out, F/F, Romance, ace!kara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-10-20 14:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 35,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10664775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyCheese/pseuds/SpicyCheese
Summary: Kara finally having the words to put to how she's felt for years and finally having a partner that's on the same page too.Or: The story of Ace!Kara and the Lena that loves her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Asexuality is a spectrum of course, and this is just one of the many, many perspectives of how Ace!Kara might feel. Her character won’t be having any sex in this fic, but be advised there are brief mentions of her doing so in the past and not particularly enjoying the experience. This is mostly a fic about Kara finding the words for how she feels, and what it means for her and Lena’s relationship. Enjoy!

*_*_*_*_*

 

Kara watches the way her mother’s eyes shine bright as she retells the story of how she and Kara’s father met. It’s their anniversary and they’ve planned a cozy night in- just the three of them. Kara even helped her mother make dessert.

 

“The key to a healthy relationship, is communication,” her mother says, linking pinkies with her father at the dinner table. He, in turn, gives her mother a wink and a kiss on the cheek.

 

She loves to watch her parents together like this- relaxed and carefree. She has the sense that they have both been stressed at work lately, so these moments of tranquility at home have been more seldom. Tonight though, it’s clear they’re present in moment. Kara catches the subtle glances of affection, observes each curl of a smile whenever a term of endearment is used, and never misses the way her mother squeezes his hand or the way his thumb stokes over her knuckles. Their love is palpable. It is warm and constant; it’s vibrant and alive.

 

Kara can’t wait to fall in love.

 

*_*_*

 

The Danvers’ relationship reminds Kara of her parents (which is equal parts painful and comforting). It makes her curious about the other ways love translates behaviorally here on Earth.

 

On the planet Qktilon, for example, the courting ritual consist of a cutting off a limb (not too big a deal when you have 16 of them) and presenting it to their mate.

 

Kara really hopes for something a bit less dismember-y.

 

So she reads. She watches TV and movies. She sucks in any pop culture she can to try and better assimilate. Romantic comedies are her favorites- the ones where the main pairing dance around each other awkwardly until the end where they finally share a beautiful kiss.

 

Kara doesn’t have the same affection for Teen romantic comedies though. Those seem to consist of much more deception and there’s an awful lot of sex in them.

 

She asks Eliza if most teenagers her age are having sex and ends up with a two-hour lecture and a lot more confusion.

 

Later, behind the closed doors of their room, Alex tells her later that yes, many teenagers have sex.

 

“That’s all some guys seem to want to do, actually,” she adds dryly, rolling her eyes.

 

“What about girls?” Kara asks.

 

She shrugs, “Yeah, girls too I guess.”

 

“Even you?” Kara asks, and Alex’s face twists in this odd expression for a moment before reclaiming something a bit more controlled.

 

She sits down next to Kara on the bed. “Listen, don’t worry about me or anyone else okay? You do what’s right for you. Don’t let anyone make you do something you don’t want to do. Ever. Okay? If you don’t want to have sex until you’re 55- great.” She pauses “And if someone has a problem with that- you come tell me okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

Alex squeezes her tight, and they spend the rest of the evening cuddling under a blanket on the couch, watching a lovely movie called  _Sleepless in Seattle_.

 

Kara wants her sister to be happy, but thinks maybe if Alex doesn’t find a mate, that would be okay too. Kara would be perfectly content to spend her next 40 years just like this, cuddled together on the couch, laughing at Meg Ryan.

 

*_*_*

 

A few boys ask her to prom, but she decides to go with Bobby Templeton. She doesn’t think she has a crush on him (Alex had to explain what ‘crush’ meant), but he has a nice smile and has been very… persistent in courting her, so she feels he deserves a chance.

 

Bobby stands her very close when they dance and his clammy palms and thick fingers making holding hands a bit uncomfortable. At the end of the night, they sit in his car and he kisses her. It’s her first and it’s soft and wet, like biting into over-ripened fruit.

 

All of that is fine enough she supposes, until his hand moves to her knee and then starts moving upward. Then it doesn’t feel right at all. She asks him to stop. While he complies, it’s clear he isn’t happy about it, and manages to plant another over-ripened kiss on her before they part ways.

 

She’s torn between being angry with him, and with herself. She lies awake that night going over the night’s events in detail, trying to figure out where she went wrong  _(what’s wrong with her)_  to cause what should be a positive and memorable experience to go so sour.

 

Kara concludes it must just be her. She must just not ‘crush’ him enough, or in the right way. She’ll have to ask Alex more about it to figure out what she’s supposed to look for or do in order to feel the way she should.

 

She’ll do better next time.

 

 

*_*_*

 

“This is the last time,” she mumbles quietly to herself. She’s said it before a few dozen times but as she rinses off in Greg’s tiny dorm room shower, it feels real.

 

Kara’s from a family (two families, actually) of scientists. Now, at twenty-one years old she’s done enough experimenting, changed up enough variables, and run enough tests to- er- completion, to know that when it comes to sex, “It’s not you, it’s me” is actually the case.

 

Sex is just not for her. She just… doesn’t like it. It never feels good, or right or comfortable. It’s never something she wants or has an urge for, like everyone else seems to. Yes, she’s done enough experimenting to know that the only constant keeping her from a successful relationship, is herself.

 

She doesn’t know if it was this way on Krypton too, but on Earth it seems one cannot have a romantic relationship without sex involved. Why can’t a kiss simply be a kiss? Why is cuddling a step towards something else? If she didn’t already feel alone enough on this planet, now she wonders is maybe she always will be.

 

*_*_*

 

She’s pretty sure at this point she’s never experienced what everyone else considers “sexual attraction.” She’s never looked at someone and saw or felt anything that’s made her think of sex or want to have it. She can’t deny though, that James does hold an incredible aesthetic appeal.

 

He is, objectively, stunning. Looking at him gives her the same feeling feel seeing an ornately decorated cake or an amazing sunset- something that’s clearly, objectively, gorgeous.

 

It’s the way he looks at her though, that draws Kara in. He looks at Kara like he understands her, or at least he’s interested in doing so. Knowing she’s Kryptonian and all that entails helps with understanding certainly, too.

 

He’s charming and warm, kind but challenging. Logically, he’s everything Kara has ever dreamed a partner should be (and as an inebriated Lucy unfortunately let’s slip one evening at the bar-  _“about 4” more than that too_ ”).

 

Therein lies the problem though. Alex’s words from so long ago ring back to her often, that sex is all men (and women) seem to want. It’s not  _all_  James wants from her, but from the kisses they’ve shared, from the way he’s breathed her in deeply and held her tight, it _is_ part of it.

 

It’s a part she just can’t offer.

 

Her father once told her never to start something she didn’t intend to finish. To start something with James, something she already knows she won’t be able to be successful, is irresponsible and cruel. So, she ends it before it begins.

 

Friendship is good, great in fact, and she knows she should be satisfied with what she has. There is an extra element of couple-dom that she misses of course. That freedom to get close and show affection that way she wants- cuddling, hand holding, kissing… but just that. It never can be JUST that however, so she’ll have to be satisfied with what she can get. If she can just keep her people as close as she can, it could be enough- _should_ be enough- right?

 

*_*_*_

 

Alex comes out, tells Kara that she likes women. One woman in particular.

 

She’s happy for Alex, she really is, so it takes her a while to understand where the little kernel of disappointment stems from. Alex liking women is not the problem of course. Alex liking this Maggie woman shouldn’t be either, except… except it is?

 

Kara is ashamed when she realizes what she’s feeling is jealousy. Not envy-  _jealousy_. Kara never really thought about it but after a decade and a half of it being just her and Alex, she’d started to assume it would always be that way. Now there’s someone new, someone Alex feels that something extra towards, a special bond (albeit a different type) and Kara’s left with the feeling of loss. No. More like something been taken from her.

 

It’s made worse though because Alex was never hers. Kara resigns that it’s looking like no one ever will be.

 

*_*_*

 

When Kara kisses Lena and it takes them both by surprise.

 

When they break apart, Lena looks dazed and the pink tints her cheeks in a way that Kara finds almost too beautiful for words. Despite the ache in her chest that seems to want to forcibly pull them back together, Kara makes a hasty excuse and all but runs out of the office

 

Lena slipped into her heart and made a home there before Kara even realized what happened. Somewhere between interviews and lunch dates and quiet walks through the city late at night, Lena became more than a friend. She became someone Kara can’t be without. That’s the thing with Lena though, she’s infectious. Or addictive. Or some other descriptor Kara can’t quite name- all she knows is she tried ignoring it, than stopping it but failed. Kara is a train without breaks, barreling full speed ahead even though she knows where the tracks will end.

 

*_*_*

 

It’s another three weeks and two more instances of Kara kissing and retreating before Lena manages to hold her in one spot long enough to talk about it.

 

Lena talks about not feeling alone since she met Kara. She talks about how, for the first time in her life, she feels like someone else actually sees her and likes what they see. Lena talks at length about Kara, about why Kara is special-  _Kara_ , not Supergirl.

 

Finally Lena talks about dating. She notes that, considering Kara’s attack and retreat act, it seem like Kara isn’t necessarily comfortable with this new progression between them. She makes it clear that- as much as she wants to- she doesn’t care if they ever kiss again, she just wants to have Kara in her life. She just wants Kara close to her.

 

Overwhelmed by the sentiment, Kara responds by kissing Lena.

 

While this elicits a positively gorgeous, dreamy, goofy smile from the other woman, it effectively resolves nothing and Kara ends up spending the remainder of the evening after they part, crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.

 

Which is worse: Never having a chance at what you want the most or being offered it and knowing you’re going to lose it eventually?

 

 

 *_*_*

 

 

“Would you like to come up for a nightcap?”

 

She knows (potentially) what Lena’s asking. They’ve been flirting with it for months.  She’s tried to put aside the future, to be blissfully ignorant to where they’ve been headed, but can never hold onto that idea for long.

 

The times they have started to encroach on the physical, Lena has been incredibly intuitive, reading Kara’s hesitations and subtle cues and backing off even before Kara’s thought to say something (would she though- say something?).

 

She isn’t fooling herself though. Lena might let Kara set the pace, let her stop where she wants to stop and not ask for more, but Kara can tell that Lena  _wants_  that ‘more’. It’s in the breathy way Lena says her name after they’ve been making out, slightly lower and far more fluttery than usual. It’s in the lingering looks under hooded eyes and the wanton lip bites, holding back words and actions Kara would rather not think about. All clear signs of someone showing great restraint, but not wanting to.

 

Kara should end it.  Every day she doesn’t it becoming more difficult to convince herself that she needs to. History has told her this can’t last, that eventually Lena will ask for something Kara can’t give.

 

It’s selfish to let it go on, to suspend them in a fantastic limbo she knows can’t be sustained, but it’s hard to sacrifice something that seems so… perfect.

 

“Sure.”

 

It’s the wrong answer but the dazzling smile Lena returns makes it feel so right.

 

In the elevator Kara babbles. About the opera, the private party after, the a-list celebrities there, anything really. She’s still babbling after they’ve entered the penthouse, not even slowing when they sit and Lena hands her a glass of champagne.

 

Lena finally manages to stop Kara’s mouth with her own.

 

The kiss is soft and gentle and while they’ve shared thousands of kisses, it stills makes Kara’s heart stutter like it was their first.

 

Fingers delicately play Kara ribs like keys over the fabric of her dress, while the others cup Kara’s face, thumb stroking a gentle rhythm across her cheekbone.

 

Kissing Lena is like eating frozen yogurt- while she just can’t get enough, too much or too fast can make her head spin. Kara wants to get lost in the feel, wants to enjoy the soft nips and languid pulls but all she can focus on now is Lena’s hand as it wanders from her ribs downward, settling on Kara’s hip a moment.

 

Lena squeezes Kara’s hip gently. It should be grounding but is anything but because then slowly – slow enough for Kara to stop her- that hand slides further down to rest on the top of Kara’s thigh.

 

The hand stops there though, clearly waiting for permission.

 

Kara sighs.

 

She hears Lena’s heartbeat quicken, feels the heat of her touch. She knows what Lena wants and that Lena- bless her- has been more patient than anyone Kara’s ever met. Each ‘no’ could be the last one Lena’s willing to take though. At any moment she could get tired of waiting and go find someone else who can be with her the way she wants. Every moment Kara delays is a moment closer she is to losing Lena.

 

That twist in Kara’s gut strengthens. She could go along with it this time. She’s done it before. Gone through the motions, made the faces, done the things. All the while waiting and counting down the minutes until it’s over.

 

Old mantra’s rise to bait her:  _This time will be different. You just need more practice. Those people before weren’t the right ones. This one is special so it’ll be good. This time you’ll enjoy it._

 

The lies have grown too stale to swallow though, and somehow lying to Lena seems worse than losing her. She places her hand on Lena’s, stopping it.

 

“Sorry,” Lena breathes, and Kara can’t tell if she detects disappointment or is just projecting.

 

“Don’t be,” Kara sighs. “I just…the champagne. I’m a bit hot. Maybe we could step out on the balcony? Get some air?”

 

Lena smiles and nods. Any trace of disappointment that Kara detected or placed is gone. “Of course.” Her hand slips into Kara’s, lacing their fingers, before leading them towards to balcony doors.

 

Outside they sip the remaining champagne in silence, watching the lights twinkle below them. This high up, they’re removed from most of the sounds of the city, but inside Kara is anything but quiet.

 

“Kara,” Lena begins, a twinge of something bruised in her voice. “You’d tell me, wouldn’t you? If there was something wrong?” She pauses, biting her lip. “If  _I_  were doing something wrong, I mean.”

 

It’s too much. To watch Lena stand there and blame herself, to think that she’s the one who’s flawed- just as she has her whole life. Kara sighs deeply. This ends now. “Lena, it’s not you, it’s me.”

 

A thousand things shuffle behind Lena’s eyes but are gone in a blink, replaced by a hard mask of indifference- the one she wears like armor when wounded. “That’s what people say when they’re going to break up with you.”

 

“That’s not what I was aiming for.”

 

“Then what did you mean?”

 

For the first time since she’s known her, Lena sounds impatient, and a bit angry. Kara takes a deep breath and tries to settle herself. “What I mean was that the reason I sort of, uh, retreat when things start to get more physical is because…”

 

Time to pull the ripcord, to make an excuse and a graceful exit. The problem is that she can’t. Lena has trusted her, been there for her, even when it was hard. Lena’s always been honest, even if the truth paints her poorly. Even if no one else believed it. Kara needs to honor that. “It’s because… I don’t want to have sex.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Kara senses surprise, and maybe a little confusion, but not anger. She presses on, words running together quickly, like if she stops now she may never get up enough courage to finish. “I mean, not just with you- with anyone. Ever. I’ve never wanted to and I- I don’t want to do things I don’t want to do anymore. I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, ya know, lead you on or whatever, I just really, really like you Lena.” Kara takes a breath. “I really like you. And I’m sorry.”

 

 

Lena’s face softens just slightly, confusion giving way to a very small, very gentle smile. “You’re asexual.”

 

“Please don’t make fun of me,” Kara groans, trying not to regret the entire conversation. She keeps her gaze affixed down off the balcony, wishing she could just fly away and not look back. She wishes she was like Barry and could just turn back time. Go back to a point where before she got in this deep and this would be necessary. 

 

“I would never make fun of you Kara, at least not about something this important.” And the gravity weighing Lena’s words drags Kara’s attention back to the moment. “Asexual just means that you’re not interested in sex. That you don’t experience any sexual attraction.” A pause, voice softer this time, “Have you ever talked about this with anyone before?”

 

Kara shrinks slightly, eyes focused on the cars and lights far below. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

 

Lena places a finger under Kara’s chin, tilting it towards her until they’re eyes meet again. “There is  _nothing_  to be embarrassed or ashamed about.” The firm command in her voice likely the same she reserves for board meetings or public addresses. She has Kara’s full attention now. “Many, many people feel this way, Kara.”

 

“Really?”

 

“Really.” Lena leans in a bit, and places a quick kiss on her cheek. “I think maybe you should take some time to do a little journalistic research on the topic. You might feel better knowing a bit more about it.”

 

“What, now? You’re making me leave?”

 

Lena chuckles. “No, I’m not making you leave. In fact, let me be clear: I will NEVER make you do anything you don’t want to Kara Danvers. Ever. Do you trust that?”

 

“Yes,” she says quickly, and is surprised that it feels true.

 

“Good. Now, while I  _suggest_  you go read up a little, you’re welcome to stay too. Personally, I’m going to go have a bath and try to unwind. It’s been a long, tense day.” The smile is back, and it’s infectious- spreading to Kara before she can stop it.

 

They walk back inside together, gathering belonging as they go. Kara pauses at the door though, a question weighing heavily. “So are we… breaking up?”

 

“Do you want to?”

 

“No, of course not.”

 

“Then why would we?”

 

Lena says it so simply. She says it as if she isn’t defying everything Kara’s ever learned about relationships and what they entail. “Well I just thought…considering what I just told you-”

 

“- well, you thought wrong.” The smile is still there, but her eyes are hard and serious.

 

Kara has a million questions. Lena doesn’t let her ask them, “Go. Read. Learn and feel better. We’ll have a plenty of time to sort the rest out later. I promise.”

 

Even if Kara doesn’t trust the words, she trusts the person saying them. She nods. “Okay, bye.”

 

“Good night.”

 

*_*_*_*_*

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many nice comments! I'm glad you guys are enjoying my version of Ace!Kara. There's definitely more to come, and some growing pains too, but for now enjoy this chapter featuring Yoda!Maggie and Completely In Love Lena. :)

*_*_*_*_*

 

Kara emerges from hour three of Internet research slightly better informed but still very confused. There were so many websites and forums- apparently this _is_ a thing- a spectrum even. There also a lot of _very_ different thoughts and opinions about it though. Her head is spinning.

 

She needs to talk this out with someone She reaches for the phone to call Lena but stops. It’s late and Lena was the one who encouraged her to go and learn more, so asking for her advice is probably not the best idea.

 

She scrolls through her contacts. M’Gann is still off planet and Lucy might as well be too, the way she’s been immersed in her work. Her thumb hovers over Alex for a full minute but in the end she selects someone else entirely. It might not be the most comfortable conversation (they’ve only really spoken one on one a few times) but she’s hoping it’ll be helpful at least. Kara holds her breath as the phone rings three times before, thankfully, they pick up.

 

“Hey Little Danvers. What’s up?”

 

*_*_*

 

They spend the evening at the bar, Maggie listening intently as Kara struggles to relay a lifetime of doubt and confusion. Maggie is great of course, and clearly the right choice of person to call.

 

She validates and empowers, gives information without assigning fact. Kara almost cracks inside when Maggie says what Kara is experiencing is normal. When she touches Kara’s hand and tells her she’s not alone, the dams breaks entirely and Kara actually bursts into tears.

 

The way Maggie hugs and comforts is different than Alex. There’s a bit less physical contact and a lot more cheer-up humor, for one. Despite the differences though, it’s just as effective and Kara feels more sure than ever that maybe things are going to be okay after all.

 

“How do you know all this stuff anyway?” Kara asks before honking her nose into a tissue.

 

“I volunteer at the downtown LGBTQA Teen Center,” she shrugs. “Maybe you could come with next time.”

 

“That’d be great actually,” Kara feeling more steady by the second.

 

“Cool,” Maggie’s phone buzzes on the table between them. From the poorly repressed little smirk on her face, Kara can tell it’s Alex. “That’s my cue. I gotta go. You gonna be okay, LD?”

 

“Yeah. I think so.”

 

“Good. And remember- all those labels, that’s just a starting place, so other people can start to get where you’re coming from. We’re all different though; you don’t need to check off certain boxes in order to fit anyone’s version of an ‘identity’. You don’t need to label yourself at all even- you just need to be you and tell the people around you what you need, got it?”

 

“Got it.”

 

“And if anyone gives you any flack, tell them to come talk to me.”

 

Kara thinks of a similar conversation her sister gave her once. She smiles.

 

“I’ll see ya ‘round, LD,” Maggie smirks, scooting out of the booth and shucking on her leather jacket.

 

“Maggie?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Anytime.” Maggie grins. It’s a big toothy one, with extra dimple (they type she’s only ever seen her give Alex, and only on occasion). Kara struck now, more than ever before, how foolish it was to be jealous when Maggie and Alex got together.

 

She didn’t lose a sister, she gained one.

 

 

*_*_*

 

Kara’s used to walking around like she has a secret, but for the next two days she feels completely unburdened. Nothing has technically changed about her, yet she feels completely different. She feels like she finally gets herself, a part that had eluded her for years.

 

She fell asleep that first night thinking of past relationships, of all the times she felt like she was deficient- that something was wrong that she just wasn’t experiencing things the way they should. She thought about all the times she’d wondered why she didn’t want the things other people wanted and why. Now knowing that there are other people that feel the same way is very comforting. It makes her feel like, the first time, different might be okay after all.

 

She read a few posts online from people in relationships, even a married couple, where one wasn’t Asexual and the other was. That was cheering too, but those posts were few and far between.

 

Kara wants to call Lena, wants to know what she’s thinking. Wants to know how this is going to work between them. Lena seemed so sure when they parted ways and Kara doesn’t know how. How could Lena be so certain when Kara could barely understand? She hopes maybe Lena’s has a plan, some information that Kara doesn’t, and if not, that the other woman’s faith will be enough for both of them for a bit.

 

 

*_*_*

 

It’s been three days since she and Kara have spoken and Lena’s getting worried. She’d texted Kara shortly after the girl’s departure, telling her to ‘take all the time she needed’ and while Lena did mean it, she’s starting to wish she hadn’t said that.

 

_What if she takes too much time? What if she takes so much time she realizes I’m not who or what she wants?_

 

Kara’s epiphany had caught Lena by surprise, but also made perfect sense. It explained so much of Kara’s behavior, of her way of going about things, as well as Kara’s continued discomfort with Lena’s advances. Lena had tried to be respectful, never wanted to push, but at the same time was growing more and more concerned maybe Kara didn’t return her affections in the same way. Lena’s concern was less about any need or want of her own not being met, and more about not knowing what she was doing wrong or how to make Kara feel good.

 

Now Lena knows better, that it wasn’t Lena but the sex that Kara wasn’t interested in. As she paces her empty apartment, she thinks about her and Kara and what it would be like to have a relationship without sex.

 

It’s not that hard to imagine actually.

 

She’s always felt the concept of casual sex was a bit of a misnomer. In Lena’s world, sex and sexuality have always held a hefty price. Lillian realized Lena’s preference for the fairer sex even before Lena did, and wasn’t shy about her opinions about it. The choice was out and proud or out of the family, but not both. Sometimes the price is family.

 

Other times the price is respect. As an attractive, single woman in a predominately male industry, Lena could hardly go a few hours without being reminded of just that. She could ignore the commentary but it was the sins by omission and the conscious lessening of her value that she couldn’t stand. Eventually she figured if this was what society was going to reduce her to, a sexual object, than by god she’s was going to use it as means getting what she wants. Or implying using it, at least.

 

The price of using sex for business, is sacrificing using it for pleasure. It meant keeping her personal preferences and activities private. For a while there were trysts, rendezvous in private places where people pay through the nose for anonymity. It sounds ridiculous but most of the time the emotion that drove her to these lengths wasn’t lust but loneliness. At some she just craved human touch. At some point she just needed someone to touch her just to reassure she was real.

 

There was always a point too, during those encounters, where Lena would close her eyes pretend that the arms holding her, the scent surrounding her, was someone else. Pretend that it was someone who loved her, who cared about her. Of course that moment of fantasy always had to end because in reality, that type of someone didn’t exist _._

_At least not yet_ , she’d tell herself without much conviction (hope isn’t as dangerous if you don’t put a lot of belief in it).

 

Sex with strangers never held any intimacy and intimacy was what she craved. She gave up on those meetings years ago, because what’s the point? What Lena needed was someone to want _her_. Not her money, not her name, not her body, just her. By the time she moved to National City, she would’ve settled for someone just to _see_ her as an individual at all.

 

And then Kara did.

 

Kara noticed her. Kara asked if she was okay. Kara is the first person Lena’s met (maybe ever?) who’s actually been interested in Lena herself and not something else attached to her.

 

Maybe that’s why she was drawn to her so fiercely, at first. After a lifetime of being effectively invisible, Kara was the first person who actually seemed to _see_ her. See Lena as Lena, and nothing more or less. More unbelievably, Kara liked what she saw.

 

When Kara kissed her, Lena nearly malfunctioned.

 

If being Kara’s close friend was an impossible dream come true, dating her was utter euphoria. Cuddling increased 300% and now included extra bonuses of handholding and making out. Kara’s skin is soft and warm, and her embrace solid and complete. Her hair smells faintly of apples and there was always a lingering scent of something fresh and clean- like a crisp breeze.

 

Human connection, having someone in the flesh, someone real to speak with, to hear her, to touch her hand to give her a hug, is more than Lena ever thought she could have. Intimacy. She hadn’t dared to hope for it but it was here.

 

Sex has never been connected to intimacy for Lena so she doesn’t really find any reason to mourn their continued separation now. She’s has taken her physical sexual needs into her own hands (literally) for years and now that she’s giving it some thought, Lena concludes easily that having a relationship without sex doesn’t really phase her all that much. If anything, it’s almost comforting to know that something that has been a tax on her since puberty, isn’t even a factor in the sum of their relationship.

 

But would Kara believe her? Does Kara still want her? Would Kara trust that it’s not important? Would Kara trust _her_? Lena is a puddle of insecurities when it comes to Kara but she supposes that’s what Love does. Lena hasn’t said those words yet, but she’s known them to be true for a while now. It’s as terrifying as it is thrilling, but upping the emotional ante means having further to fall if she were to lose it. 

She never knew she’d have a chance to be close with someone, let alone have someone of her own. She’d held out a kernel of hope, but never accounted for it, and now that she knows it’s possible, it still feels like an anomaly because of Kara. It’s not just that she has someone, it’s that she has Kara- Kara is the anomaly, the one of a kind soul, and if Lena is so far gone she's not sure how she was functioning half as well without her.

Part of her knows this type of thinking is incredibly melodramatic, but she’s always been someone with big feelings and no outlet.

Lena can't wait any longer, she has to reach out. Better to be a bother than absent. She types quickly and sends it before she chickens out.

**_[How goes the journey of self-discovery? Well I hope. I’d love to hear about it. I miss you.]_ **

Lena does miss her. Kara is like her sun, without her Lena just feels a bit darker, more lifeless. Kara makes her feel more Lena than Luthor.

Maybe that’s sappy. Maybe. But Lena is a fool in love.

 

*_*_*


	3. Chapter 3

*_*_*

“So, how do we… do this? This whole dating thing?” Kara asks tentatively.

When she'd texted earlier, Kara had replied almost immediately. The message included a ridiculous amount of emojis, a suggestion of meeting at their favorite hole in the wall Italian place, and a time of 7pm. Lena spent the next hour pacing and making business calls that she absolutely did not need to make. Her go to reaction to stress is productivity, to work. Knowing the discussion likely to follow at dinner and what needs saying on her end... She wondered if she was ready. Ready or not though, the time is here. They’ve barely sat down, haven’t even ordered yet, and Kara's jumped right in to the meat of it.

Lena quirks an eyebrow, small smile tugging at her lips. “I thought we’d proven pretty good at it so far.”

“You know what I mean,” Kara sighs, her voice sounding a bit frayed at the edges. 

She drops the smile and settles back in the restaurant chair, putting a bit more space between them to regard the other woman. “Yes, I suppose I do.”

The hold each other's stare, a standoff of sorts, a game of chicken of who’s going to brave up and deal with it head on.

“I need to know how we both remain happy in a relationship without sex, if you want to have it and I don’t.”

The words tumble out of Kara’s mouth, almost too fast and Lena’s mouth drops open a bit as well.

“Getting right to it then, I guess." She clears her throat and shifts a bit in her seat. Her mother would've berated her endlessly her if she’d ever witnessed such an obvious display of unsteadiness. She rallies and tries to compose herself.

“It’s just..." Kara begins again, hunting for words. "It's just when I told you before you seemed so sure that we could work- that we _would_ work. Everything is so crazy the past few days, just everything turned on its head because I, ya know, _get me_ now, but I don’t get how this will work. I trust you Lena, and I want it to work, but I’m kind of hoping you have a plan?”

“No plan. I have no idea how this will work or how it will go over time.” Lena says quietly, quickly.

She stares at her glass, takes a sip of wine, lets it sit on her tongue and mingle with the words she’s been nervously practicing her in head for the past hour (the past day, the past few weeks). She waits an extra beat before swallowing the wine and the last dregs of her reservations. She's ready as she'll ever be.  When she meets Kara’s eyes once more there’s nothing but solid determination there. “Kara, I might not have a plan, but what I am sure of is that I love you. Whatever happens from here isn’t going to change that one bit.”

Kara's at a loss for a moment. She’s not sure what to think but she knows what she feels- like someone has just completely illuminated her from the inside. She's lit up and glowing because Lena Luthor just told her she loves her. Kara forgets they’re in a restaurant. She forgets what planet they're on even. She lurches forward and kisses Lena with everything she can’t find the words for just yet.

Super hearing picks up the sound of a camera shutter click and suddenly savoring the moment is out the window. She jerks back, even though it’s too late. The photographer is on the other side of the window, thumbs flying across his phone now, and she resigns that even super speed or strength wouldn’t be able to stop that picture from being on every front page in the city tomorrow.

She and Lena have been dating for a while now, but not _officially_ , like to the public. They haven’t been hiding it, but it’s not like they’re making out in public or anything either. _Gal Pals_ , as one particularly naïve paper put it.

Not anymore.

Suddenly the city’s most eligible bachelorette is off the market. Because she’s dating a CatCo reporter. A reporter who’s made her career so far on articles about or involving Lena Luthor. Who she’s now dating.

Kara thinks she might be sick.

She grabs her purse, starts to stand, she needs to leave. She’s halfway out of her seat before she feels a gentle tug on her hand.

“Stay.” Lena's thumb strokes gently over Kara knuckles. “I’m okay with it if you are.”

Kara sits down again, slowly, her look incredulous. “You are?”

“Absolutely.”

Lena’s hand is still in hers and, almost instinctually, Kara gives it a small squeeze.

“We should probably sit down with my PR director tomorrow about it, but I don’t really want to think about that right now.” Lena leaves her hand in Kara’s, picks up her wine with the other, taking a sip. “Right now I think we should focus on what really matters, in this moment.” She returns her attention to the menu casually, as if it were any other day. As if the past days, week, month hadn’t even happened. “So what should we eat?”

 

*_*_*

 

They don’t talk about their relationship any more that night, but it’s clear the conversation will continue. Both seem relieved just to be with each other, to know they both could continue to be. The reprieve is short however. The next morning, Kara wakes up a bevy of texts.

Several messages are Google Alerts she’d set. New mentions of her own name, mostly links to the new picture and accompanying articles.

_Oh Rao,_ they’re trending apparently. _#LwordCorp_

Kara groans and knows that somewhere in the world Cat Grant is rolling her eyes at that. 

She moves on though. There are two texts from Maggie.

**_[Lena Luthor??!?! Damn LD, you must have some moves. Also, Alex is having kittens over this, you should probably call her.]_ **

Then 20 minutes later.

**_[I ended up telling Alex that you and I talked about some stuff before, but didn’t give any specifics. I don’t want to keep secrets.]_ **

 

One message from Winn:

**_[!!!]_ **

 

Six messages from Alex.

**_[Call me.]_ **

**_[Kara, seriously, call me.]_ **

**_[You know her last name is LUTHOR right?]_ **

**_[Seriously Kara, what were you thinking? In public like that? You weren’t thinking were you.]_ **

**_[Sorry, I’m not mad, I just want to understand.]_ **

**_[Maggie just told me she knew already. Why didn’t you tell me?]_ **

That last one is like a punch to the gut. Alex has trusted Kara with her secret and Kara hadn’t said a word about her own. She texts back quickly, _[How about you both come for breakfast. We can talk then?]_

**_[Okay.]_ **

Just one word. Kara flops back down on her pillow, deflated. Alex is pissed and hurt and has every right to be. Kara feels selfish, selfish because while she knows she should have talked to Alex, another part of her would have liked to wait a bit longer. Just until she can get a grasp on things better- at least well enough to defend it when Alex interrogates her. (She knows Alex doesn’t mean it, but these things always feel like an interrogation).

Kara lays there for another 10 minutes before her phone buzzes once more.

**Alex _: [ETA 15]._**

“Here we go,” Kara mumbles to the ceiling, before begrudgingly rolling out of bed. Coffee. They’re definitely going to need coffee for this discussion.

 

*_*_*

 

Kara comes out to Alex. Right at the breakfast table. Over a pile of chocolate chip pancakes.

It doesn’t go smoothly.

It's hard to say what Alex is most perturbed by: Kara dating a woman, Kara dating a Luthor or simply that Kara dating is drawing so much public attention to herself. Alex can't seem to pick which either, her rambling rant jumping from one to the next.

When she explains asexuality, Alex scoffs and doesn’t get it and that hurts most of all for some reason. Maggie pulls Alex into the kitchen and they whisper argue. Kara does her best to purposefully tune her super hearing elsewhere but not before she catches Alex’s “- _I felt the same way about sex until I found the right person!”_

They leave shortly after. Maggie hugs Kara, whispers that they both know Alex will come around to understand, that she’s figuring her own stuff out still. Kara wants to believe it’s true, but every single reservation and question and concern Alex raised mirrors the same ones she’s held herself for years.

This is why Kara hesitated in telling Alex in the first place. It's hard to be confident in truths you're still trying to accept yourself.

Her phone vibrates. A new message.

**Maggie** :  ** _[Don’t doubt yourself Little Danvers. What you’re feeling is real and valid and important.]_**

Kara’s starting to wonder if she’s not the only one with superpowers.

 

*_*_*


	4. Chapter 4

*_*_*

 

Kara takes a moment to tuck her shirt back in before knocking on the door. Normally she wouldn’t risk flying dressed as Kara Danvers but after the day she’s had even changing clothes felt like too much.

“Kara! What a pleasant surprise. Come in.” Lena greets her at the door in pair of black leggings and a worn MIT sweatshirt. It's rare for Lena to be dressed down and the contrast to her normal business attire is so great Kara almost forgets why she’s visiting.

Almost.

 _Alex. Coming out. Disaster_. The memory hits her again and the blow must register on her face too, because Lena’s expression turns to concern. “Hey, come here. What’s wrong?” She ushers Kara into a hug before closing the door behind them. 

Kara’s hug back is perfunctory at best and she pulls away after only a moment. She needs space to pace, to process. She heads towards the living room, words trailing behind her. “What’s wrong is that I told Alex. About you. About us. About, ya know, the whole _asexual_ thing,” Kara draws hard on the word. 

Lena follows Kara further into the room but stops behind the sofa, placing her hands on the back of it. “I take it she needs more time?”

“I don’t know what she needs honestly. She was all over the place but I heard the word ‘confused’ a lot and it wasn’t just in reference to herself.” 

Lena doesn't respond, just waits quietly. It effectively makes Kara feel listened to and simultaneously sort of pressured to keep talking. She wonders which family member taught Lena that trick. 

She shakes off that train of thought though- this is about her, not Lena. She pushes forward reluctantly. "I mean, the worst part is that Alex isn't wrong. I _am_ confused in a way- I mean, I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm heading or what makes sense."

Lena presses her lips together in a thin line for a moment. "Kara, have you ever talked about what you want- with a partner I mean? Not what you think you should want, but what you actually want?"

 _What she actually wants_. Kara can't help the tiny scoff she lets out, but sobers quickly. While the previous people she’s been with might not have explicitly asked, Kara didn't offer something else either. Or stop them for that matter. She went along with whatever they wanted (always employing a variety of rational for it) but suddenly admitting that feels a bit shameful.

Still, Lena is waiting for an answer.

"I usually just let them..." she looks away. "No."

“Well, what about me? Did you ever let me-“

“No." She says quickly, but truth bites at the back of her throat. “I mean, I did think about it for a moment, but I decided against it. Anyway, you always seemed to stop right before I would’ve said to.”

“I stopped whenever I felt you tense up.”

"Oh." 

Lena frowns a bit, weighing something before asking. "Have you ever put any thought into it though? What, if anything, you might want as far as physical intimacy?"

Kara’s mind hunts for something but only comes up with things she didn't like. Wandering hands and places she'd rather keep to herself. Over the years she’d stopped imagining that she could be with someone in a way other than that. "Not really." 

“Well, no time like the present," Lena smiles. Kara can tell she's pushing for upbeat, for levity to combat Kara’s slight discomfort. Nice of her to try at least. "So, tell me how you work Kara Danvers. Tell me what you like.”

Kara flops down on the couch, exhausted and feeling a bit beaten. It’s only now she notices the papers strewn across the coffee table. Lena was working. She was probably sitting right where Kara is now, in her pajamas, working diligently on something late into the evening until Kara just barged in and took over. Kara leans forward, burying her face in her hands, feeling guiltier than ever. “I really don’t know.” 

“You can name a few things I bet.” Lena pauses, leaning forward and taking one of Kara’s hands away from her face, holding it in her own instead. She rubs her thumb over Kara’s knuckles gently (a gesture Kara is becoming very attached to). “It doesn’t have to be set in stone, you know. Just somewhere to start.”

Kara nods, gives Lena’s hand a squeeze before letting go. If Lena is trying so should she. “Well…” she searches. “I like cuddling and holding hands. I like curling up on the couch with you and I like it when you touch me- I mean like, caress me?” Kara can feel her face flush, she’s not used to talking so candidly about things. “But not all the time? I mean, when we’re just cuddled on the couch, I love it. I like when you run your fingers up my arm or trace my palm or skim over my shoulders or back. When we start making out though… even spots I don’t mind start to sort of feel, not great.” She throws her hands up a bit. “I don’t know.”

“Maybe part of it is the expectation?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, perhaps maybe some of what makes a touch feel good or bad is what you think it means or where you think it’s going.” 

“ _I don’t know_.” And Kara really doesn’t. She feels like that's her only reply, like every question feels like it just underlines how little she sure of as they move forward. A familiar stinging starts behind her eyes and Kara does NOT want to do this. Not in front of Lena. Not again.

“Hey, hey, hey-” Lena gets up from the chair and sits next to Kara, wrapping and arm around her, pulling her tight. “You are not a puzzle we have to solve and we don’t need to establish rules or absolutes or anything at all if you don’t want. We just have to promise to be honest with each other and keep communicating right?”

“Yeah,” Kara croaks out, voice rough with emotion.

Lena sighs and relaxes further back into the couch, Kara’s arms still wrapped around her. Head pressed against her chest, Kara can hear Lena’s heartbeat. It’s a sound she’s attuned to even from across a room, but hearing it up close is 1000% better. Having Lena up close in general, is always better, and for what feels like the millionth time this week, Kara is thankful that she dared to put herself out there, to let herself love.

"I'm not looking forward to having this conversation with everyone else," she mumbles into Lena’s skin.

"You never know," Lena says, stifling a sleepily yawn before reaching for the TV remote. "They might surprise you."

“I hope so.”

“Want to watch an episode before you go? Fair warning, I might fall asleep.”

“Am I that uninteresting?” she jokes lightly, no intention of moving.

Lena chuckles. “Hardly. You are that warm though and I am that tired.”

“Yeah, put it on.”

Lena wasn’t kidding, she falls asleep shortly after the theme music subsides. Kara finishes it out, letting the banter between the characters’ bustling political maneuvering wash over her. When it’s done, she turns off the TV and makes sure to find a quilt to replace where Kara was draped over her before.

Kara wonders how many nights Lena has fallen asleep on this couch, papers strewn around her. How many nights she’s fallen asleep at the office. She almost fell asleep last week at lunch with Kara even, jerking awake just in time to avoid face planting in her minestrone soup. Kara wonders where Lena finds the energy for her usual routine, let alone for Kara (and that’s not including the recent impromptu freak outs).

She watches Lena for a moment. They’ve both shared the fact that they have nightmares, and Kara notices how Lena’s jaw is clenched tight as ever, even in her sleep.

Lena hasn’t broached the subject of staying the night since almost the beginning of their relationship (at which Kara turned her down, for reasons obvious now). In the wake of her new epiphany though, Kara’s not sure what reception she might receive if she brought it up again. She’s not sure what Lena might say or if she’d be interested in sleeping together if that was all that were involved.

Lena shifts a bit on the couch and the blanket slips a little, causing a small shivers to run through. Kara fixes the blanket and resists the urge to just carry Lena into her bedroom. It seems so silly, to leave her out here- for either of them to have to be alone and vulnerable like this- and Kara decides at the next available opportunity, she’s going to ask Lena to stay over.

As Kara flies back to her apartment on her own, she feels more and more assured in that decision. She’s not sure how it might affect the nightmares, either of theirs or at all, but she figures there’s no way falling asleep and waking up in the arms of someone you love could be a bad thing. She hopes Lena will see that too.

 

 

*_*_*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter has James, Eliza, and Winn's reactions. :)


	5. Chapter 5

*_*_*

 

Monday, her first official day back since _The Photo_ went public, begins just as poorly as Kara feared.

Coming out as Supergirl wasn’t easy, but at least it was straightforward. She’d had a lifetime with her powers to understand them and had the luxury of revealing her identity to loved ones in her own time, when she was ready.

Coming out as Kara is a completely different story.

As excited as she is to talk about her recent revelation and as much as she wanted people to know her and Lena were together, she was wasn’t necessarily ready to open herself up for conversation about it with everyone. She hadn’t even told Alex yet. (and a still feels guilty about that.)

_You weren’t thinking, were you?_  her sister’s words ring back and it’s clear now that maybe Kara wasn’t. Kissing Lena in that restaurant was impulsive and now she’s paying the price. She’s lost control of her story and now all she can do is spin control. 

_You never know, they might surprise you._ She tries let Lena's words combat her doubts, but it feels like an uphill climb either way.

One would think a bonus to coming out to the whole world at once is that it is _all at once._ Like a BandAid your rip off, it all happens in one felled swoop- boom done. Except, it isn’t all out there. The parts she’s had time to become comfortable with- the part where Lena is a woman, the part when Lena is a _Luthor_ \- those are clear as day in that photo. The fresh part though, the asexual part, the part she feels is the scariest and most exciting to share and talk about, doesn’t show. No one knows about that part, so no one talking about or asking about it. Instead, all they’re asking about is-

“Kara are you even listening?”

She looks back at him, refocuses on the present. “Yes.”

James had texted her to come up and see him first thing this morning. Well, actually not _first_ thing. The first thing that happened when Kara got to work was Snapper telling her she was banned from all future LCorp or Luthor involved stories due to “ _obvious conflict of interest_ ” _._ Curiously, he didn’t have anything further to say about it, beyond that. Kara almost wanted to ask him why, but thought better of it. She headed upstairs to Ms. Grant’s old office quickly just in case Snapper changed his mind.

Even after a half a year, it’s still strange to see James seated in front of that wall of TVs. It’s not that she doesn’t think he deserves to be there, it’s just…

Kara decided to work for CatCo for a reason. For Cat Grant actually. For what she stood for as a woman, and what she made CatCo stand for as well. Since Ms. Grant’s departure, both Kara and the magazine feel a bit rudderless.

Catco is a media empire with many pieces to it. Ms. Grant was able to take all those pieces and bring them together in a perfect harmonious message. She was like a skilled conductor bringing a symphony to life, telling a cohesive story- usually the story of the world she as she wanted it to be- as she felt we could make it.

James is a great at portraying a message too, but he’s always done so a frame at a time. He’s incredibly gifted at using a snap to capture a whole world but Kara’s worried about his transition to using thousands of frames and how to organize them. It’s not that she doesn’t think he can do it, she’s honestly not sure he really wants to.

He’s still all confidence on the outside but Kara knows him well enough to see that he’s been a bit more frazzled and distracted since starting. Part of her wonders if maybe he pushed himself into becoming Guardian to change the world in a way he feels more comfortable with than his day job. To get back to changing it one moment at a time.

Or maybe he just wants to punch some people. (Kara could relate to that as well).

Whatever the reason may be, it doesn’t change the fact that it’s him, not Ms. Grant, that stands before her now. Currently he’s shaking his head as if Kara is a child frustrating him, and there’s an ember that burns hot inside her at the notion of it. 

He walks around to the front of the desk, sit-leaning on the edge of it before continuing. “This isn’t just any woman, this is Lena _Luthor_. You don’t know these people like I do. Clark and Lex- they were inseparable. Like brothers. Right up until the day Lex came unglued. I’m not saying she’s the same, but her family… Kara you have a tendency to only see the best and people and I just don’t want you to get hurt, okay?”

That ember inside burns a bit hotter. This is not the first time James has voiced concerns Kara doesn’t share. It’s not the first time he’s said ‘for your own safety’ and ‘I don’t think you understand’. 

Kara’s never doubted he cares about her, but that kind of comment makes her wonder if he really understands her sometimes. She wonders if he really gets that someone being concerned about her safety is the reason she survived to mourn the loss of her whole world. She wonders if he gets that as invincible as she is, there isn’t a day that goes by that she wouldn’t give up her life for the people she loves. And that’s not even touching that he may not get what it’s like, as a woman, to hear that his main concern is her being safe. Not _happy_ \- safe. She’s not sure what Cat Grant would say if she saw Kara kissing Lena Luthor, but Kara’s ‘safety’ wouldn’t likely be the first topic addressed.

Of course, considering that fated picture is on its 8th or 9th lap on global social media, it’s likely Ms. Grant _has_ seen Kara kissing Lena Luthor.

_Oh Rao does she not want to think about that right now._

In fact, she doesn’t really want to think about any of it. So Kara doesn’t answer him. She leaves. She just leaves. Okay, yeah, maybe it’s a bit rude but honestly things are already too brittle inside her and that is ember already burning hot. It’s a better choice to leave than to stick around and have James inadvertently fanning the flame.

He means well, she knows that and she’s positive they’ll talk it out later, come to understand each other’s views or whatever, Until she quenches her own lingering concerns though, she feels a bit unprepared to handle his as well.

Kara flies home, careful to avoid detection from the not-so-covert grouping of photographers and reporters lurking around the front of her building. When she enters, she’s struck by how quiet and still her apartment feels. She was unprepared for that. In the silence her thoughts seem to echo even louder. She flicks on the TV and pulls up West Wing, something comforting and familiar and with a lot of talking to drag her attention to. She heads into the kitchen and makes the noisiest meal she can. She fills up the space, hoping she won’t notice how empty it is.

She gets a much needed distraction halfway through her lunch when Eliza calls her. Unlike James, she doesn’t ask questions, or assert her opinion. She simply states that she saw Kara in the paper and offers that if she wants to talk, about anything, she’s here for her.

Kara talks. She talks about the Lena her friends and family haven’t gotten to meet yet- he one Kara’s fallen so hard for.

“She’s not like the papers at all- Well, I mean, a _bit_ like that. She’s strong and decisive and well-spoken yeah, but she’s also kind and gentle and understanding and just…she’s great. She’s amazing. And she, you know, _gets me_ , and likes me for who I am.” 

Eliza’s warm smile radiates through the phone. “You sound happy, Kara. All I’ve ever wanted is for you girls to be happy.”  

Kara doesn’t get into asexuality. Not this time. A positive reception to a relationship that’s been solely hers for so long, is a good start. And anyway, talking about sexual habits, even the lack of them, isn’t something she’s ready to jump into with a parental type figure at the moment (or at all, who knows).

The itch to talk about it with someone still persists though.

Kara hates this feeling, the urge to explain herself- to be understood. To have others understand her. When she first got to Earth, she would talk to Alex about Krypton. She would draw pictures, eventually tell stories. They would sit on her bed late at night, fingers intertwined and Kara would explain the smell of a certain flower or the feel of the fabric of her mother’s robe. Kara thought if she could just have Alex get it, understand it, maybe it wouldn’t feel like it was completely gone.

As much as Alex would say she understood though, it never felt like it was complete. How could it be unless she’d experienced it herself? It wasn’t her sister’s fault of course, it was just the way it was. Kara hated the way she couldn’t stop trying to make Alex and others understand though. It was the definition of insanity and she couldn’t stop herself.

It’s the same now as it was then. She wants to make her friends, family understand. Understand what Kara has just come to learn- that it turns out she wasn’t broken like she’d thought. That it seems she wasn’t the only one of her kind after all.

Her cell phone buzzes on the table, and startles her.

[ALEX: Attack at 4th and Hope. Alturian having a bad day and taking it out on the city block.]

Kara sighs, duty calls.

 

*_*_*

 

The skirmish downtown is brief. Alturians are usually a peaceful race- she’s not sure what this one’s problem is. Guiltily, she didn’t ask either, preferring her fists to do the talking. Clearly, her frustrations are getting the better of her.

_Speaking of which._

She lands back at the DEO to debrief, and is met at the door by a very concerned looking Alex.

“Are you okay?”

Kara nods and Alex’s face relaxes, taking on something cooler and distant. “Good.” She pauses, looks like she’s going to say more, but doesn’t. Instead she nods again. “Good.”

“Yeah.”

It’s awkward. It reminds her of the time she told Alex she’d tried marijuana at a party. Alex looked at her like this then too- like she was confused or just… didn’t get her. Looking back and knowing now that Alex felt she had to protect Kara all those years, Kara interprets the look as disappointment. Like she’s has done something to betray Alex’s trust and help and that’s why seeing that look now is so much worse. Unlike pot, this isn’t something Kara’s just trying out for fun or curiosity. It’s just who she is.

At a loss for words, they walk away from each other at the same time.

She spots Winn on the way out, he smiles at her. “Nice going with that Alturian. Gave ‘em the ol’ one-two punch, huh?”

It’s a friendly smile and suddenly that urge inside her churns and that pressure to void all those feelings inside builds too quickly. She gives in. “Winn, I can I talk with you for a moment. Alone?” 

He spins his chair around the rest of the way around, away from the bank of screens he’s monitoring. “Yeah, of course.” 

The conference room’s glass door closes behind them with a barely audible _foomp_ . Winn swaggers over to lean against the conference table. “Soooo,” he jokes smugly. “This private talk doesn’t have anything to do with you and a certain CEO locking lips on every front page in the city, does it?” 

“No. Well yes. Sort of,“ she fidgets, almost going to adjust glasses that just aren’t there. “Look, Winn, I need to tell you something. Something that only three people other people know. It’s something I’ve always felt but didn’t have a word for it until now. I didn’t even know other people felt this way, but apparently they do and I need you to promise even if you can’t be excited about it, that you’ll at least listen and try and respect it.”

“Kara, I have a feeling more than three people know you’re… well that you like girls,” he smiles, but the smugness runs away when he sees her expression. “Okay, okay, I promise.”

“It isn’t just that I like girls Winn. There’s something else. And it’s…” she’s shakes her head, she’s too worn down for a preamble. “I’m asexual.”

“Like a plant?” Winn’s face scrunches confused before shifting into slight concern. “Wait, is this an alien thing? Can you like…”

She’s not even sure what he’s trying to mime. “No, no it means I’m not sexually attracted to anyone and that I, uh, don’t want to have sex with anyone either. Ever.” 

“Oh. Well, that is… not what I was expecting. How- I- _huh_.” He tilts his head thoughtfully, taking a moment to mull it over. “Wait, what about when you were into James though…”

“It was never about that kind of attraction. Though that’s the reason I decided not to let things go further.”

“…Because you thought he wouldn’t have wanted to… without?”

She shrugs, but forces herself not to look away. “Yes.” 

He frowns. “I’m sorry. That’s… that sucks.” He pauses, still thinking. “What… uh, what about Lena? Does she know about…?”

Kara nods. “Yes.”

“And she’s cool with that?”

“Yeah,” Kara almost laughs, still in disbelief that it’s true. “We’re still trying to figure out a few things out but, yeah.” 

“Well, than that’s great… right?” He ventures. 

“Yeah, yeah it is.” 

“Cool. Good then.” He nods, and she nods, a moment passes where they seem to be stuck on it like bobble heads before he moves on. “Well maybe when the paparazzi die down a bit you guys could go on a double date with Lyra and I.” He pauses, “Though Aliens plus Luthors-“ he stops short. “Wait, does she know you’re, you know, _you_?” he gestures to Kara’s current caped attire. 

Kara rolls her eyes, “Well, I haven’t told her, but sometimes I swear she knows.”

“Oh. Well, you know, it could be fine.” He shrugs and Kara decides to ignore the way his infliction pitches up, tinged with a small note of doubt. “It does sound like she cares about you a lot.”

“Yeah, she does.” 

“I assume we’ll be seeing her next game night then? Guess I should go ahead and get that expansion pack for Catan huh?” He looks up at her, a grin spreading slowly. 

And there it is, the normalcy she wanted. The acceptance. The recognition that the way Kara feels doesn’t make a difference between them. She can’t help but pull him into a hug. 

“ _Karyersquezngmetootight_ ,” Winn grits out.

“Oops,” she says, releasing him quickly. “Sorry, I just- _thank you Winn_.”

“For what?”

“For being you.”

There’s a message over her comm, Alex’s voice is flat and tight as it crackles in her ear. “Supergirl. The Alturian had a few cousins who aren’t very happy with his capture. You’re needed.” 

“I’m on it,” she replies in to the comm, then sighs, turning back to her friend. “Really though Winn.  Thank you.”

“All in a day’s work,” He shoves his hands in his pockets and rocks a heel-to-toe. “Speaking of which…?”

Kara throws him one last smile before she heads out. She’s out the building and halfway to Lab before the door even closes again but Winn’s words follow her and she swears that’s what’s making her fly. Her powers may be fueled by the yellow sun, it’s her friends, her supports, that keep her running. 

 

*_*_*

 

It’s late by the time she finally gets back to her apartment. Very late. Which makes it all the more surprising when she opens the door and finds Alex already inside, sitting at the dining table with two pizza boxes stacked in front of her.

Normally an impromptu sister night would be the best possible thing to come home to but considering things of late… “What’s going on?”

“I thought maybe we should talk.” Alex flips open the pizza box and as Kara walks closer she can see it’s a Hawaiian pizza.

Alex hates Hawaiian which means this is some sort of peace offering.

Kara relaxes slightly, sits down across from her sister and takes a slice. She munches in silence, waiting, but Alex doesn’t say anything, she’s just looking down at her own plate, poking at a stray bit of sausage that’s rolled off the slice. Kara’s almost on her second slice before Alex finally speaks, and when she does it’s very quiet.

“I’m sorry if I reacted a bit… harshly before. When we talked about Lena.” Alex takes a second slice of what looks like a Combo pizza from the other box. She puts it on her paper plate next to the other one but doesn’t eat it either. “It’s just I was so…”

“Surprised? Confused?” Kara ventures, grabbing two more slices for her own plate.

“ _Hurt_.” The word stings. “I was hurt Kara. I was hurt because it felt like you were hiding all these important things and I was the last to know about them.”

“You weren’t the last to know-

“- _half the western hemisphere knew before I did!”_ she all but growls back. She huffs a humorless laugh, shoving the plate away from her a bit. Then, flatly, “You even told Maggie before me.”

Kara bites the inside of her cheek. It’s an old habit, her own brand of unconscious self-flagellation. “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, I did, but I wasn’t sure… I decided to talk to Maggie about it first because I needed someone who knew about this stuff a bit already. It was all so new and confusing, and I knew that you were still figuring stuff out too so I just thought…” Kara trails off.

“You wanted to talk to someone with knowledge and experience, I get it. But I’m your sister. I might not know about that stuff but I know about _you_. At least, I thought I did.”

Alex’s voice is slightly hoarse, the way it gets when she’s trying not to sound upset, and it cracks something inside Kara, right down the middle. “Kara, I went for years assuming there was something wrong with me, that relationships and sex wasn’t for me, because I never sat down and actually let myself figure out how I really felt and what I really wanted. I don’t want that to happen to you- I just- I want you to be happy. I want you to have someone who loves you the way you want and need and deserve and… yeah.”

Kara slides her hand over, laces her fingers between Alex’s. “I know. And trust me, I’ve taken the time. This is who I’ve always been and now I think I’ve finally found someone who can love me just the way I am too.”

Alex nods, eyes bright with tears. “Well good then.” She wipes at her eyes a bit and chuckles. “If she ends up breaking your heart, I’m still going to murder her though.”

Kara laughs and wipes at a few stray tears of her own, “Yeah, I know.” She shifts over and wraps Alex into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry Alex. That I didn’t tell you before. About any of it.” Kara sniffles, and she knows she’s getting snot all over Alex’s sweater. It’s worth it though, to feel the way her sister’s arms wrap around her tight. “I was-“

“I’m sorry too,” she hushes into Kara’s neck. “I reacted just the way you were worried I might which didn’t help. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. We’re okay, right?” Alex nods and she gives an extra squeeze before they split back to their seats. Kara sinks down in her chair, letting the tension finally ease out of her. “Ugh,” she sighs, picking up another piece of pizza and taking a huge bite. “I hate it when we fight.”

Alex picks up her own slice finally, “Me too.” She takes a bite, chews thoughtfully before adding, “So, Lena Luthor huh? You know, between her and Cat Grant I’m starting to think you have a type.” She raises an eyebrow and Kara can feel her face start to flush.

“I did _not_ have a thing for Ms. Grant,” Kara says hurriedly, though the flush rising in her cheeks seems to say different. “I just admired her. A lot. She was like mentor to me.”

“ _Uh huh_.”

“Should we get into your thing for _Women Who Carry Guns_?”

“I don’t-“ she starts but thinks better of it. “Just tell me about Lena.” She takes another bite out of her pizza and leans back in her chair, arms crossed, but all smiles.

Kara chuckles. She nudges Alex’s leg with her socked foot under the table, and grabs another slice. “I’d love to.”

 

*_*_*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sigh* Clearly I'm nostalgic for those lovely Season One days where each episode wrapped up in complete and happy ending. Plus, Danvers Sisters moments give me life. :) Back to Kara and Lena though next chapter (and most of the remainder of the fic).


	6. Chapter 6

*_*_*

 

“Pack your carrot sticks we're going to the carnival!” Kara announces, grinning from ear to ear as she strides into Lena’s apartment.

Lena, amused, closes the door behind her. “So you’ve chosen our date have you?”

“Yes. We are going to let loose, eat junk, play games, and ride rides until we puke!”

Lena blanches at bit at the mention of the deep-fried gauntlet before them and Kara notices, quickly adding, “And we can pick up a salad to-go on the way too.”

Lena waves her had dismissively, as she heads for her coat. “No need- I’m sure I’ll find something delicious there.” While neither of them believes that, Kara appreciates the sentiment.

“We have a few minutes too, if you want to change clothes.”

 Lena looks down at her outfit. The pant suit is stylish, elegant and likely expensive. "A bit overdressed for the occasion am I?”

“A bit,” Kara grins, though the image of Lena eating neon yellow nacho cheese in said suit is highly amusing.

"Well then, _won’t you excuse me for a moment while I… slip into something more comfortable?_ " She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively then blushes. “Sorry, it’s from a movie. I- I’ve always wanted to say that.”

It’s dorky and endearing and Kara can’t help but bust out laughing. Lena blushes harder and turns to go but Kara catches her by the arm, pulling her in for a quick for a kiss. She lets her lips linger just long enough for Lena to relax a bit. “You’re adorable, you know that?”

“I’ll go get changed,” Lena smiles, leaving Kara in the middle of her living room wondering how exactly things could be this good (and ignoring every instinct to expect them to go bad).

It’s only a few minutes before Lena reemerges. She’s wearing the same worn MIT sweatshirt as the other night though this time accompanied by a pair of dark jeans. Her hair is pulled back in a messy bun and she has a simple pair of white Keds on. She could easily pass for a doctoral student on break for the weekend, and Kara cannot take her eyes off her.

Lena notices the staring, eyes darting down to her new attire before frowning a bit. "This OK?"

Kara nods, clears her throat. "Yeah, of course. I was, I was just thinking you looked really cute was all." Now it’s her turn to blush.

Lena grins and moves to pick up her coat once more. When she meets Kara back near the door, she slips their hands together. “Likewise,” she gives Kara’s hand a squeeze. “Should Tony drive us or do you want to take the bus?”

"I'm fine with a ride."

“Well then, our chariot awaits.”

Lena makes friendly chitchat with her driver most of the way in Kara is struck by how different she is around others. Lena is guarded so much of the time in her professional life but surprisingly even with someone like Tony, whom she’s worked with for years, there still lingering hesitations, like she’s always holding pieces of herself back.

It only serves to underline the contrast of how she is with Kara. With Kara, Lena never holds back. She sparkles and bites, never pulls punches and always says exactly what she’s feeling, unpopular opinion or not.

Kara still has large pieces of herself hidden. Supergirl, specifically, and as much as she’d love to rationalize why she hasn’t told Lena, she’s knows she can’t at this point. Lena loves her unconditionally but that’s only the Kara she knows. to It’s only fair that Kara makes sure her girlfriend knows what all the actual conditions are, before she dismiss those nagging feelings of doubt. She needs Lena to have full access to the real her, cape and all, she’s just so afraid that the charade has gone on too long to be acceptable. Lena is in love with Kara Danvers- she hopes Lena can love Kara Zor-El too.

She sets that landmine aside though, as they pull up into the carnival parking lot. She knows it’s only a small traveling carnival but the way the purpling bruised sky creates contrasts dreamily against with warm glow of the neon, it has an air of magic.

Lena dismisses Tony for the time being, and as they make their way towards the entrance she loops her arm through Kara’s. "So," she begins, pulling them almost hip-to-hip. “Dinner or a Show first?

"That’s the beauty of the Carnival," Kara boasts, navigating them towards the nearest food stand. "We don't have to choose. We take our dinner with us as we go."  

The stand boasts an abnormally lengthy list of foods served ‘on a stick’ and the scent of fryer oil wafting from inside almost knocks Lena over. She silently contains the urge to gag, while Kara seems almost invigorated by it. "What do you want? It’s all it’s my treat tonight! "

“I’m going to wait a bit, survey my options,” she says, trying not to let her stomach roll as a fresh wave of oil assaults her nose. Kara shrugs a quick, “Suit yourself,” before ordering two deep-fried, bacon wrapped meat skewers. For a moment Lena wonders if this was just Kara’s way of razzing her… until she watches Kara tear into them like a starved animal. Lena smiles, the sight endearing, in a National Geographic sort of way.

They make their way to the midway, barkers on either side chatting them up as they pass. "What kind of carnival games do you like?” Kara asks, disposing of the first, now empty skewer and moving on to the next.

Lena’s bites her lip. In truth, she’s never been to a carnival, never had the chance to really. She went to the circus once with Lex, that first year in the Luthor home, but it’s not the same. She reasons that if tells Kara, the rest of the evening will be focused on trying to make the experience a good first one, instead of just having a good time. She opts for a bluff, wagering she’s probably seen enough portrayals in media to get by. "The one where you hit the milk bottles down."

Kara smile lights up like the signs around her. "Ooo, a classic! Let's find it."

The midway is slowly filling up, couples and families strolling in after dinner. Kara and Lena hold hands again to better navigate around. "Which is your favorite?” Lena asks, letting Kara lead them through the crowd.

"The Lucky Ducks."

She shakes her head, “The… what?”

"Isn’t that what’s it’s called? You know the one where they have the rubber ducks with the numbers written under them, circling around in the pool and you have to pick the right number to win?"

"You know the odds of winning are better in a game of skill than chance. "

“I don’t know,” Kara smiles softly. She raises their hands and, meeting Lena’s eyes, placing a light kiss on Lena’s knuckles. "I feel plenty lucky right now."

It’s just a little moment, a sentiment, but Kara says it like a promise. Lena’s breath catches. She wants to say something but Kara doesn’t leave her time to respond, instead turning back to continue guiding them towards the game in question.

There’s a bit of relief in Kara moving them on from the moment, actually. Things have felt so much more intense between them lately, it’s almost overwhelming. It’s like a dam between them has broken and what was a controlled trickle of affection now feels like a flood. It’s good- so good Lena thinks it scares them both a bit. The press and retreat, has been a delicate dance, both trying not to overwhelm the other and yet clearly wanting to be as close as possible.

Lena lets those thoughts cool, instead focusing on the adorable crease of concentration knit between Kara’s eyebrows as she assess of the prizes encircling the booth’s tented ceiling. “I always decide what prize I want to win before I play,” Kara explains, eyes still scanning the assortment of comically oversized plushies. “It’s tradition.”

Lena stands shoulder to shoulder with her, joining the hunt. She doesn’t have to look long, before tugging on Kara’s sleeve, wicked grin on her face. “That one could be fun.”

The moment Kara sees it, she agrees. It’s lumped in with the ‘top prizes’ section, a packaged set of two pairs of inflatable boxing gloves. It’s the kind she saw on the commercials between Saturday morning cartoons, when she first arrived at the Danvers place. They’d always looked so fun and she’d begged Jeremiah to get them for her and Alex but the answer was always no. He was right, of course. It was before she’d learned to harness her strength so it would have been risky to even play around with. Now though... “It’s perfect.”

Kara steps up to the plastic tub of ducks, determination in her face. She takes her time selecting, even making a show touching her temple while she holds her hand over the flock as the swim by, like she is divining the right answer. Finally, she closes her eyes, and selects a rubber ducky. She peaks one eye open to check the number on the bottom and her shoulders slump.

“Not a winner?” Lena asks.

Kara tosses the duck back, “Nope.”

“Second try, guaranteed prize,” the Barker smarms, leaning against the tent pole, amused. “Wanna change your luck?”

Kara’s jaw sets, and she wordlessly forks over another $2. She dispatches with the pomp and circumstance, opting to just snatch another duck at random.

Still no win.

She sighs, and drops the duck back in the water with a disappointed ‘plop’.

“Don’t worry about it, Love,” Lena squeezes her arm, and the pet name warms Kara to her toes. “You still won something. Let’s see what the options are.”

They look at the lower level prizes again and Kara settles on a funny looking pink mouse plushie with a string for a tail. It’s flat on the bottom which gives it an oveall muffin top shape and Kara feels like its googily-stare is mocking her.

“It’s adorable,” Lena coos. Kara rolls her eyes but grins and it’s Lena’s turn to pull them along for more exploring.

It’s not long before Kara’s super hearing picks up the unhappy grumble of Lena’s stomach. “You never got something to eat.”

“Oh,” Lena says, like her forgetting to eat isn’t common occurrence. This time she must be hungry though, as she makes a beeline for the nearest stand. She buys a falafel, but what really throws Kara for a loop is when she produces an honest to god bag of baby carrots from her purse to accompany it.

"You know I was kidding about the carrots right?” Kara smirks.

Lena raises an eyebrow, full of mirth. "I thought you never joke about food. " She holds one up in example, biting the carrot with a derisive snap. "So what's next? "

"We find that game of yours then ride some of those rides, I think."

“Lead the way,” she says, taking a tidy bite out of the falafel as they go.

When they finally do locate the Milk Bottle game, Lena lets out an amused peel of laughter as she scans the available prizes. “Oh you _have_ to win that for me. It’d be just perfect for the office, don’t you think?”

Kara stares at the lime green Alien plushie, and feels a bit green herself- reminding her of that landmine of an issue she’s shoved out of her head earlier. She works a smile onto her face though and Lena leans up and kisses her on the cheek whispering, “For luck,” and she shoves the thought away once more.

“I don’t need luck for this one- you said so yourself. It’s a game of _skill_.” She forks over the $5 bill and turns her attention to the task at hand. Using what she approximates to be a reasonably average human amount of strength, she pitches the softball at the milk bottles.

The ball hits them square in the middle, a direct hit, and the bottles go flying- all except for one. One that didn’t even wobble as the other jars fell over and on top of it.

It’s clear the game is rigged and Kara’s ready to let it go but when she turns to Lena, it’s clear that’s not going to be an option.

“It’s a scam,” Lena huffs, anger rising as she turns on barker. “You’re cheating- she hit it dead on!”

“Clearly she _didn’t_ or it would have fallen over,” His tone is tone patronizing at best and his smile feels greasy somehow. “She’s welcome to try again of course. Give it a little more _umph_ this time. Or maybe find someone with a bit strong arm.”

“Why bother. Come on Kara-“

“-No, he’s right,” She stops Lena, hand on her arm. Kara pulls her mouth into something closely resembling a sweet but tight-lipped smile “I must not have thrown it hard enough. I’m going to one more time.” She pays him for another ball.

She gears up and, at the last minute, steps just in front of Lena. And then throws it like the Kryptonian she is.

The jars straight up explode from the force of it. Glass pieces ricochet in every direction, sending the barker jumping for cover. A few pieces fly their way too but Kara’s position blocks Lena from the majority, the shards bouncing off Kara instead, like confetti.

People are looking now, skirting the outsides of the scene wondering what the story is. The barker, shaken, manages to get to his feet again, now gaping back and forth between Kara and the now empty pedestal where the bottles sat previously.

“Guess I did just need to put a little more _umph_ into it,” she intones lightly. “We’ll have that prize now.”

He hands it to Kara who in turn presents it to Lena. “My hero,” she breezes, squeezing it to her chest with one hand and giving and the other to Kara to hold. “Oo, he’s pretty cuddly. Maybe I’ll bring him home instead. Put him in my bedroom. I could tell people I’ve slept with an alien- won’t Mother be proud.”

Kara all but chokes on her own tongue at that and tries to cover it with a set of raggedy coughs instead. “Sorry- must be the pollen?” She has to tell Lena about her secret soon, she’s not sure she can let things go on like this.

“Should we go home?” Lena asks.

“No, no I’m good. Hey- let’s find some rides huh?”

Lena squeezes her hand once more for good measure. “Okay but we’ll have to find a 4-seater now. You me, the alien, and Cuddles the Pink Chinchilla.”

“Cuddles can ride in my pocket. Reggie the Reptillian needs his own seat though.”

“ ‘Reggie’? Really?”

Kara shrugs, “Does he needs a more refined, proper name? Like Cuddles for examp- Hey!” she yelps as Lena hit her with the stuffed animal. “Okay, okay. Hey- let’s go on that one!”

Lena turns to look at Kara, eyebrow raised. “Bumper cars? You sure.”

“Yeah, come on! It’ll be fun!”

Ten minutes of battery and jostling later, it becomes clear that Lena may have missed her calling as a Demolition Derby driver. Kara dismounts and thanks Rao for her alien composition otherwise she’d be in a world of hurt.

They move on to the Tilt-A-Whirl (after which Lena looks a little green herself) so Kara decides to take on the Teacups on her own after. She wobbles as she gets off and Lena pulls her into her arms under the pretense of steadying her. “Where to next, Sailor?”

“How about we wrap up the night with my favorite?” She points just ahead of them.

“Oh, Kara, I, …you know about me and heights. "

“Don’t worry, I’ll hold you tight the whole time, I promise.”

Lena softens a bit, “Hard to say no to and offer like that.”

The Ferris wheel looms before them and when they stride up to the next available car, Lena doesn’t miss the way Kara gives the operator a little wink.

They sit down and almost immediately the ride starts up, carriage lurches forward and throwing Lena a bit off balance. Kara catches her, reflexes a bit faster than human probably, but the relief in Lena’s face shows it was worth it. She continues to hold her tight and the carriage rocks a little as go.

Lena continues to grip Kara’s hand as they ascend and when the carriage stops at the top, her knuckles whiten with her grip. “Why are we stopped?” The tinge of panic creeping into her voice.

"It’s tradition to kiss at the top for good luck." Kara kisses her before she has time to say anything else. It’s slow and languid, and Kara lets it linger until she feels her melt like butter against her.

It starts back up, and Lena looks down a bit, smiling into Kara’s lips. “I thought you said you were already lucky? "

"Can always use a little more."

There are more kisses and from the way the ride attendant grins and winks at her, Kara’s willing to bet some of Lena’s lipstick is now adorning her face too.

They make their way towards the exit, Lena texting Tony they’re ready for pick up and Kara hitting up one more food stand for good measure. She insist Lena to try a nibble of her deep fried Oreo and whether or not Lena liked it (she said she did), it’s worth it to see her get powdered sugar all over her face. Kara is happy to help with that of course. They have a few extra minutes and Kara makes a quick run back to get an order for Tony who, upon receiving it, seems more excited by the gift than his boss.

"Where to?" He asks between bites.

Lena goes to answer but Kara jumps quickly, "My apartment!”

Lena gives her a quizzical look but smiles. "Her apartment it is," she shrugs, leaning her shoulder into Kara’s in the back seat.

Tony responds with an enthusiastic ‘ _yes ma’am’_ and shares a conspiratorial eyebrow raise and a knowing grin with Lena through the rearview mirror. Lena grins back like a cat that caught the canary, letting him believe he’s right about his assumptions.

It irks Kara a little. She doesn’t expect Lena to correct him necessarily, she just wishes that wasn’t what peoples’ first assumption was. That they were going to have sex. She shakes it off as she always has though. Up until recently, she thought that’s what every relationship entailed too. She wishes things more people knew, what she knows now. She wonders how many people go their whole lives thinking they were broken, like she did. She wonders how many people’s partners might be as understanding as Lena has so far, if only everyone knew that it was an option. If they only knew there was another way for someone to be.

“You look like you’re a thousand miles away. Everything alright?” murmurs, getting her attention.

“Yeah, just… thinking.” She sighs a little. “I got you to eat a deep-fried Oreo tonight.”

“So you did,” Lena says warmly. “What’s in store for us when we get back to your place?”

Kara shrugs, “I was thinking maybe watch a movie?”

Lena chuckles, “ _Netflix and chill_ huh? Very suave Ms. Danvers.” She nudges her shoulder, playfully.

Kara snorts, “My spin on it at least.”

“I like your spin on things,” Lena turns a bit, kissing Kara on the cheek before resting her head on Kara’s shoulder. “I like it very much.”

 

*_*_*

 

Kara doesn’t remember falling asleep but between Lena playing with her hair and all the greasy food she should have assumed the evening would go that way. When she floats back up to consciousness, Lena is still carding her fingers through Kara’s hair, absently weaving haphazard trails around her temples and brow.

She drags her fingers slowly from the base of Kara’s neck up over the crown of her head. Kara, in turn, grins toothlessly at the touch and stretches like a cat in the sun. Lena can’t help but chuckle and Kara peeks her eyes open, looking up at her through sleep-heavy lashes. “Did I miss it? The movie?”

“Oh, yeah,” she chuckles again. “You didn’t even make it to the part when the things in the museum come to life.”

“Ughhhh, sorry,” Kara groans. She gets up slowly, stretching her arms above her head and yawning almost comically wide. She rubs at her sleepy eyes and checks her watch, “Eleven already?”

“Time flies,” Lena quips, standing and stretching as well. “I should probably go.”

“Or,” Kara begins, fiddling with her hands a bit nervously. “Or, you could… stay?”

“What?” Lena is wide awake now.

“I was just thinking,” Kara begins, walking towards Lena a bit shyly. “If you wanted to sleep over, you could. If you wanted to.”

“Do _you_ want me to?”

Lena can’t help but double check. Spending the night together has been taboo for a very long time. Lena suggested it early in their relationship- earlier than she ever has before and far earlier than expected for Kara, clearly, if the look of sheer panic on her face was any indication. After seeing that look, Lena backed all the way off and eventually resigned her expectations that Kara might be open to it at all.

She’d suggested it early because sex has always come early in her relationships (considering most of them were based on it, in one way or another). Now though, staying the night is being suggested in an entirely different manner and the idea of sleeping with Kara (yes, actually sleeping) is far more appealing that Lena could have ever expected.

Even in sleep, Lena is under duress, often waking up in a pool of sweat. Nightmares have been one of the few constants in her life, her greatest fears played out nightly. She’s always had a theory though, that maybe if she fell asleep feeling comfortable and protected, she might be able to transfer that feeling to her dreams as well. It’s doubtful anyone could stop her unconscious from crashing down around her each night, but she always hoped if she found the right someone, maybe they could at least help shield her from the debris. Maybe she might be able to relax enough to actually rest.

The answer to Kara’s question is a definite yes, but she needs to make sure Kara-

“Yes. I want you to.”

Lena blinks herself back to reality and only stammers a little when she responds. “O-okay then. I’ll stay.”

Kara’s face shifts from reticence to excitement. It washes out of her like a wave of relief and nervous energy. “Okay! Okay _awesome_! Let’s uh- let me start by getting you some pajamas. And I have a spare toothbrush! I’ll be right back!” Kara practically skips off to her bedroom, leaving Lena standing next to the couch, grinning to herself.

She’s is a bubbly mess and Lena follows her around, bemused, as she gathers and hands Lena the necessary nighttime routine elements.

It’s not until Lena emerges from the bathroom in a pair of Kara’s sweats and an old, worn T-shirt, that they both realize there’s no going back. Kara’s wearing a pair of boxer shorts and a sports jersey that looks like it has at least 10 years of wear. Lena quashes any further thoughts or feelings about just how delightful a sight it is and instead joins Kara where she’s standing at the foot of the bed.

Trepidation and excited energy has been bouncing between them for the past half hour. Now that it’s time to actually go to sleep _, to get in the bed_ , they both seem to stall out.

“Do you-“

“Should we-“

Words collide at the same time, and Lena chuckles. “I was going to ask if you have a side of the bed you prefer.”

“I usually like to be on the side by the door?” Kara shrugs. “But if you have a preference-“

“-No that’s fine. I like to be on the far side actually,” she smiles as reassuring as she can before moving to that side of the bed, peeling back the covers, and sitting down.

Kara follows her lead, crawling in the other side and shutting off the lamp. When she turns over, Lena’s face is barely visible, just the silhouette, haloed by the light creeping in from the other room. It’s… ethereal and reminds Kara of something she can’t place. A memory just out of reach but can’t quite put her finger on. Maybe something from home.

The maybe of that bothers her and perhaps it’s that idea that something important was lost or perhaps it’s something else entirely but Kara feels moved and doesn’t want to let this moment pass her by.  

Kara leans over and kisses Lena- or tries to at least. She misjudges the distance and lands at her lips slightly harder and a bit more off center than she intended. Lena lets out a small _Oof_ of surprise, before cupping Kara’s face and kissing her back a bit softer. They kiss for a bit, slow, languid kisses, Kara propped up on her elbow, hovering over Lena.

Lena nips at Kara’s lip playfully and Kara responds by scooting closer, draping a leg over Lena’s and resting more of her body on the other woman to get a better angle.

She’s surrounded by Lena and it’s intoxicating. Kara deeps the kiss a bit, happily losing herself in the moment. When she moves her other hand to rest on Lena’s sternum, fingers lightly tracing her collar bone, Lena pulls away.

“Sorry, am I squishing you?” Kara starts but Lena intercepts the worry, giving Kara quick kiss on the nose.

“Not at all, just wanted to let things cool a moment. I was just getting a bit… ya know.” The smile is sheepish and only now is Kara aware of just how hard Lena’s heart is beating.

“Oh- OH. Oh…” Kara’s eyes go wide, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“

“ _Relax_ ,” Lena says, tucking some of Kara’s hair behind her hear. “Nothing’s wrong, I’d just rather not get carried away. Maybe let’s just cuddle instead?”

“Yeah, of course. Yeah.” Kara slides off Lena slowly and rolls on to her back. She settles close by her side, but not touching. She knows Lena suggested cuddling instead but Kara just… so she stays like that. They both do. Lying side by side in the dark.

The silence feels too heavy though and Kara’s worried that if she lets it stay that way, it could crush something. She’s not sure what, but the threat alone seems enough to push her forward; forward into the conversation she’s been worried about since the topic of asexuality first arose.

“So… that’s just _fine_ then?” she addresses the ceiling as she speaks, not sure she can look at Lena for this yet. She needs to keep it a little bit abstract. She wants an honest conversation and it’s hard to do when you’re face to face, literally, with what you might lose. “You’re fine just feeling that way and then stopping?”

“Yes.” Lena says plainly and a bit faster than Kara feels warrants conviction.

“And you’re not, ya know, secretly resenting this. Resenting that you’re attracted to me, but can’t have me. That you can only have just so much before I cut you off.”

“I’m not some sex crazed teenager you’re going to blue ball, if that’s what you mean.”

“First of all, _gross_. Second of all, I didn’t say that. You are someone who likes sex though, so excuse me if have my doubts that you’re suddenly cool just coping without it.” Kara presses her fingernails into her palms, willing herself not to just get up and run. She’s been dreading this part- the part where theory gets put into practice. Good intentions are fine and all, but if it doesn’t work, for both of them, than it’s doomed.

“I’ve handled those needs my own for a while now, I have no problem continuing to do so.”

“So every time you get turned on you’re just going to, what, _excuse yourself_ and, ya know…?”

“No. I mean…” Lena trails off, thinking about it. “I mean, maybe? I don’t know. I won’t know until it comes up.”

“Well it _just did_.” She tries to keep her tone even, but her voice feels like it’s pulled a bit tight. Doubts that have been gnawing at her quietly for a while have frayed her patience and trust. It’s only now that they’re addressing it does Kara realize just how much it’s effecting her. “Lena I don’t want to have to worry every time I’m touching you that you might be feeling-“

“- _Kara_.” There’s a bit of frustration inching in to Lena’s tone as well and Kara doesn’t miss the way Lena take a small breath, settling herself, before she continues. “I can’t promise you I’m not going to ever get turned on around you. All I can promise is that I have no intention of ever acting on it.”

Lena runs a hand through her own hair smoothing it out, the movement catching Kara’s eye and turning her gaze back to the woman beside her.

“Feelings and behaviors are two entirely different things,” Lena continues, her voice carrying a bit more evenly now. “Sure, sex would be good, but it’s not everything. I’m attracted to so many things about you, sexual attraction is only small piece of it. I’m not with you just for that and I’m not going to leave you because of it either.” She pauses and in the dark, the catch in Lena’s breath, the black tinge of resignation edging her words, are all the more palpable. “I don’t know what else to say. I love you and you’re going to just have to trust me.”

 _Oh_.

Kara doesn’t hesitate before reaching out bridging the space between. She slides her hand into Lena’s, lifting it to her lips, and placing a kiss on Lena’s palm. “I trust you Lena.”

“Good.” It’s meant to be upbeat, confident, but Kara doesn’t miss note of relief bellying the façade. “Now, I was promised cuddles I think?” And softer, “If you want to.”

Kara curls her hand around Lena’s tighter, using it to pull herself into Lena’s side. She wraps an arm over her waist and rests her head on Lena’s chest.

“Hard to say no to and offer like that.” And Kara feels an edge of tension in Lena’s body subside a bit underneath her.

Kara takes another deep breath and wills her own body relax. “We’re going to have to keep talking about this stuff and having conversations like this, aren’t we?” she mumbles into Lena’s skin.

“Probably, but I think that’s a good thing.” She shifts a bit underneath Kara and adds. “You know, I feel lucky too. Lucky because I didn’t think I’d ever find someone who could love me for me, no questions asked. Honestly, I wake up each morning wondering if I’ve dreamt it all.”

Kara squeezes Lena’s hip, shuffles closer. “We’re both lucky then I guess.”

“Look at us,” she mutters into hair. “Who’ve thought it. A Super and a Luthor. Together.”

Kara’s entire being freezes, coming to a grinding halt. “Super? Uh-What-What do you…” but Lena only chuckles.

“Kara,” she says sleepily, “I’ve known for quite a while. It didn’t change anything before, so let’s not let it now, hmm?”

The way Lena hums vibrates straight through Kara and manages to rattle her off her edge of complete panic, but only a _little_ bit.

Lena knows she’s Supergirl.

Lena knows and that comes with a whole new set of issues and fears. Everyone that knows Kara’s identity is automatically in danger, first of all, and every new person she has to protect (that she loves) spreads her just a little thinner as far as being able to do so. She’s lost everything and everyone before and having more people to lose is definitely frightening.

There’s also guilt. Guilt, because she’s wanted to tell Lena thousands of times before this. It’s been on the tip of her tongue for what feels like forever, pressed behind each smile, and ghosted behind each kiss. All those things that stopped her before should never have been important enough to do so. She let her head rule over her heart and while Kara tries never to give in to something as pointless as regret, she can only say that if she were to do it over again, she would not have held it back, certainly not this long. Kara feels guilt because she’s been hiding a large part of herself from Lena while Lena, _in the same situation_ , has given Kara all of herself.

On top of everything it’s one more thing Kara’s withheld from Lena.

These things swirl around inside but somewhere from the depths of her, words echo up from a distant memory and find their way to the surface. “ _The key to a good relationship is communication,_ ” she says it almost to herself, an audible whisper. She pauses one more beat before mustering what’s needed. “Lena?”

“Mmm?” Lena hums in to her hair, confirming she’s still awake.

“I’m Supergirl.”

She feels Lena smile and her gentle sigh. “Thank you for telling me; for trusting me with that.”

When she speaks, the words are neat and soft and genuine. Kara’s relived. It doesn’t erase it, but she feels like the omission is forgiven (by Lena, at least). She’s always trusted Lena Luthor, now she feels she’s in a position to trust herself with Lena too.

“Go to sleep _Supergirl_ ,” Lena mumbles, nuzzling further into Kara. “Your thinking is keeping me up.”

Kara chuckles. “Goodnight Lena.”

“Goodnight.”

*_*_*


	7. Chapter 7

 

*_*_*_*_*

 

When Kara wakes the next morning she is alone and for a panicked second she wonders if maybe it was a dream. It all seemed so surreal, too good to be true. Luckily, Lena walks back in the room before she can let her anxiety get the best of her. She's still in the pajamas Kara gave her, but she has her clothes from yesterday gathered up in her arms.

“Oh, you’re up," she says, finally noticing Kara's staring. "I have to run to work but was hoping to jump in the shower really quick first?”

“Oh yeah, go ahead. There are towels in there. I don’t know what kind of soap you use or but you’re welcome to whatever’s in there.”  

Lena grins, and walks to the edge of the bed. She leans down slowly, deliberately, and kisses Kara neatly on the lips. Kara must looks surprised or in awe still because when she straightens back up, her smile is slightly embarrassed. “Sorry, just- wanted to. I just still can’t believe I can.” 

Kara grins up at her, “Yeah, me neither.”

“Well, I better…” she holds up the clothes in her hands and makes her way to the door.

“Hey-“ Kara calls, stopping her. “Uh, how did you sleep last night?” 

Lena turns back near the entryway. “Better than I have in years.” 

Kara exhales a breath she’d apparently been holding. “Yeah, me too.”  

Lena grins again, “Shower.”

“Shower,” Kara nods and when Lena is out of sight she flops back down on her back, grinning like a maniac.

 Lena Luthor stayed the night. They kissed and cuddled and talked and now that the invitation is open, Lend might be staying more nights. Many more. This could become a regular occurrence even and Kara can’t even begin to understand how this is real. 

She lays there for several minutes before she hears keys jingling lock of the front door, and thank Rao for superspeed. She skids to a halt at the doorway, just as Alex is stepping inside.

 “Whoa, easy there. Just me,” Alex laughs. 

“What's are you doing here?” She aims for casual but considering Alex’s suddenly very concerned expression, it’s clear she missed by a mile.

“Wow, okay, good morning to you too. I brought donuts. Which I said I was going to last night, in a text.” They migrate to the kitchen and Alex drops the box unceremoniously on the counter top. She crosses her arms and levels that Big Sister interrogation face that Kara has come to loathe. “What’s going on?” 

“Nothing.” 

Alex continues to stare.

“Nothing.  _Really_.” 

 More staring. 

Kara starts to open her mouth to protest again, but is interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening. Steam billows out, followed by Lena Luthor,  hair damp but thankfully fully dressed. She turns and finally notices both women staring at her. 

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t know anyone else was here.”

Lena makes her way over and Kara would love nothing more than for a time portal to open up so she could duck out to another dimension until this moment has passed. Alex is making that tight-lipped excuse for a smirk that she does when she is holding back what she really wants to say.  “I thought my sister might like some company this morning, but it looks like she already has plenty.”

Lena’s eyes flash and her own smirk mirrors Alex’s. The standoff reminds Kara a special she’d watched about two lionesses battling for dominance. She prays it doesn’t end the same way. 

“Well I certainly don’t intend on getting in the way of much valued Sister Time. I was just headed into the office anyway,” Lena says lightly. She pads casually to the couch, to grab her purse and slips on her shoes. Kara knows she should say something, anything, but she's coming up empty.

Lena takes pity (or maybe it’s just a power play too) but either way she takes care of the words for both of them. “I’ll talk with you later Kara- maybe over lunch?” She walks back over to Kara,and, very purposefully, kisses her cheek. “Text me. And good seeing you again, Alex.” And then she’s gone.

The door has no more clicked close before Alex levels a look at her. “Alright, details. Now.”

 “There’s nothing tosay,” Kara sighs. She grabs a donut from the box because if she’s going to endure whatever comes next, she needs the sugar.

“My sister is sleeping with  _Lena Luthor,_ National City's most eligible bachelorette and the genius CEO of the LCorp empire. Forgive me if I disagree.”  

“And forgive me if it’s a bit weird to talk about with my sister- not that I have much to talk about since sleep is all we do. Remember, Asexual,” she says pointing to her own chest.

"Asexual, yes, I know, I got the Press Release. I'm not asking about that. I know you guys have been together for a bit but it’s still all new to me so I want to hear about it. About her. And you. And you both. You gotta give me something.” 

Alex has never really been one to fish for details and it's clear this is her way of showing her support? So even though it’s a bit odd, Kara talks. 

She tells Alex about their night last night and about the night after the opera too- the night she told Lena what she needed and finally paved the way to feeling whole and honest like never before. She bumbles and blushes her way through and Alex nods and listens and it makes Kara think of the hours they’d spend when Alex and Maggie first got together. Alex spending hours trying to find just the right words, talking about her hopes and fears and daring to be brave and candid about them.

They huddle on the couch together under the blanket, nibbling donuts and chatting until almost lunch and when Alex gets up to leave, Kara feels lighter and better than she has in months. This is what she missed, what she wanted all those months she’d kept Lena a secret. It feels good to finally be able to share it.

“Seems like she makes you really happy.” Alex says before she goes. “I’d love a chance to really get to know her. Maybe you should invite her to game night.”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Maybe. When she’s ready I mean.”

The stuttered response doesn’t escape Alex, who raises an eyebrow.

“Well, you know, it’s just a lot of people to meet at one time. I don’t want her to get overwhelmed or nervous," Kara tries.

“Uh-huh.”

“What?”

“You don’t want _Lena_ to get overwhelmed and nervous?”

“Yes.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“What?” thought this time Kara’s a little less indignant.

“Nothing.” Alex shrugs, but is clearly still unconvinced. “I’ll see you later maybe? Thought not for lunch since you clearly already have _plans_.” She grins, drawing out the word in a teasing way Kara is just excited to be annoyed by. 

“Oh shut up,” she replies before wrapping Alex up in her arms. They hug tight and when Kara’s alone once more she feels like she does after an especially good fight- like she could conquer anything, and like it’s going to be okay. Finally. 

  

*_*_* 

 

“Ms. Luthor, Ms. Danvers is here to see you.”

Lena looks up from her paperwork. It’s late, almost 10pm, and she’d just been texting Kara that she wouldn’t be able to come over tonight so a visit is rather unexpected. She presses the intercom button, “I thought I told you that Kara Danvers could be escorted in whenever she likes.”

“This is a different Ms. Danvers, Ms. Luthor.” 

Oh. 

“Send her in.”

Alex strides in with all the confidence and swagger of a person of authority. She’s dressed in a smart suit and Lena has no doubt that while there’s most definitely a weapon or two concealed somewhere on her, she probably doesn’t even need them. Alex Danvers exudes power, and Lena’s grateful she at least has the home field advantage for whatever is about to ensue.

“I was hoping you could spare a few moments to talk,” Alex says, not waiting for Lena’s invite to make her way right up to the desk.

“Of course. Take a seat.” Lena waits for Alex to sit before she stands, an attempt to gain some leverage already lost. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”

Lena curves her lips into a polite smile and makes her way over to the drink cart. She pours two glasses of Scotch. “So," she begins. "Is this going to be one of those quaint ‘shovel talks’ perhaps?” Her tone attempts levity but the underlying concerns still manage to wave through a bit. 

“Not quite.” Alex takes the drink offered. She crosses her legs and takes a quick sip before continuing. “I came here because… well the thing you have to know is, I  _know_  Kara. And she needs more than just you to be happy.”

Alex sets down her drink, leans forward a bit, expression settling into what can only be described as 'listen and listen good'. Lena can see the Special Agent part of the woman here, but it is also so reminiscent of Lex. Lex- the big brother- when he still used to come to her rescue. Lex the guard dog, who did what needs doing when it comes to protecting his family. It’s both intimidating and somehow comforting too.

“The things is, Kara wants all her people together. There’s a lot of reasons for it- some I probably don’t even understand- all I know is she wants them together and getting along and isn’t quite happy until that can happen.” 

“I want that too,” Lena says quickly, not sure if it’s said more to convince Alex or herself. “I’ve wanted to meet everyone but she didn’t want to announce us as a couple just yet so it was never…” Lena trails off, slightly embarrassed. A lot of doubts she’s had about them actually spring from the fact that Kara has kept Lena a bit separated from the rest of her life. So much so that Lena had to wonder at times if Kara was a bit ashamed of her- and not sure if it was her last name or her first spurring that on. “I’m looking forward to having the opportunity to get to know everyone too, is what I mean to say.”

“We’ll you’ll have an opportunity tomorrow, at game night.”

Game night. Lena’s heard about game night practically since she and Kara first met. It’s always sounded like an idyllic concept to Lena- a group of friends laughing together over a board game. Like something you see in cheresy commercials. Something that seems to good to be true. She’s always been a bit envious too- not just of the evening itself but of Kara and her friends being so open and comfortable to share it with each other that way.

Lena’s imagined herself there, tried to picture how she could fit in- _if_ she could- dozens of times. She even mentioned it once, her attending, but Kara’s response was so filled with awkward starts and stops and clear hesitation that Lena never broached the subject again. She told herself it was just because they weren’t out as a couple to the group yet, but she’s always been nervous there was some other reason.

It's a loaded topic and she takes a moment to respond, choosing her words wisely. “Kara hasn’t invited me to game night yet.” 

“I know, so I am.” Alex takes a sip of her drink, face stony and unreadable. “I’m betting she hasn’t asked you is because she she’s nervous about it and knows you’re nervous about it too, and doesn’t want to push. I’m inviting you so she doesn’t have to worry about that last part at least.” 

“And because you clearly don’t mind pushing.” It's catty and sarcastic and Lena wants to bite her tongue as soon as she says it. 

Luckily, Alex seems to take it as a compliment, smirking over the lip of her drink, “Exactly.” 

“Well then, I guess I’ll have to make an appearance won’t I?” Lena stands, letting Alex know they’re finished and Alex, blessedly agrees to play along and stands as well. She does make a show of taking her time though, finishing of her drink in one long, slow pull, before placing it on Lena’s desk (just _next_ to the coaster Lena set out). It’s subtle reminder Alex isn’t afraid of her, which is somehow more comforting than unnerving for Lena. 

She walks Alex to the door. It’s another compromise of her power in a situation but she reminds herself this isn’t business, it’s personal. It’s been a long time since she could say that about anything and she feels out of practice at it. She’s still in the phase requiring self-prompts to let herself remain open, to remain vulnerable- especially when Alex is clearly adept at subtle power plays of her own.

They pause at the door. “Oh, and we’re playing Settlers of Catan tomorrow night. Winn just bought the expansion pack and it’s been Kara’s favorite since we got it a few months ago. It gets a little competitive, I’d brush up if I were you.”

“I’ll come prepared,” Lena says, and mentally schedules a three-hour block after her last meeting tomorrow to learn everything she can about the board game. 

 They stand there for an awkward beat, unsure of what to do next. Lena goes to offer and handshake and Alex rolls her eyes, mutters an amused, “Don’t be an idiot, get in here” before wrapping Lena in a quick hug. It’s fast and tight and still a bit awkward. Lena barely has time to hug back before Alex releases her, clearing her throat. “I’ll, uh, let Kara know to expect you too. See you tomorrow night.” 

“Yes. You will. Good night,” Lena manages and Alex is kind enough to smile before she goes, giving Lena something positive to hang on to.

 

*_*_*

  

Kara insisted Game Night would be fine, and so far she’s right. There was an initial bit of an off kilter feel at first but then Winn launched into a million questions about her latest prototype and James and she end up in a debate about internet privacy laws of all things and by the time they sit down to play the game Lena feels she might actually be comfortable enough to enjoy it.

She’d studied up on the game as much as she could before hand- spent about an hour and a half reading the instructions and watching youtube videos about it, but it’s clear that there are some ‘house rules’ that apply as well. Lena approaches it like she would with Chess- running each decision 10 steps ahead, gauging opponents and the likelihood of their choices when having to be put in certain scenarios. By the first 4 turns she thinks she has every ones strategies fairy pegged.

Alex wages war much like Lena does. It's calculated and somewhat adaptable, but clearly she has an overarching strategy in mind (in this case it seems she's fixated on building cities). 

Winn, for the most part, is very sneaky. He saves whatever cards he has as, waiting for just the right moments to play them, often gaining ground quickly in wicked combinations of moves.

James makes the most of whatever he gets, building when he can and taking every opportunity. Lots of development card play too and manages bids at Largest Army and Longest Road while still building away steadily.

Lastly, is Kara. Kara is vicious. She plays offense as hard as she does defense- openly sabotaging anyone when she can and is ruthless in her steals and moves. She pulls no punches. It’s… impressive, to say the least.

Lena feels like an octopus, trying to manage multiple moves happening on multiple fronts. As hard as all of them fight though, i like Kara might be unstoppable. She’s easily one turn away from victory, when out of nowhere James plays a Monopoly card and that plus the two Victory points gives him the win. 

There are whoops and half-hearted groans followed by genuine congrats. James stands and takes a mocking bow and Alex (who is either tipsy or happy, either way slightly looser than Lena has seen her) smacks him in the stomach with a pillow. He laughs and flops back down on the couch pretending to be wounded. 

 "Oh please," Alex rolls her eyes at his acting. "We all know you spend like every waking moment working out." She takes a sip of her drink, "Just like we all know, I could totally take you in a fight."

"Excuse me?" James balks.

"I'm just saying _I_ don't need a suit of armor or a tech genius to take someone down."

"Hey! I resent that!" Winn interjects. "Besides, only one person here is literally bulletproof so I think she wins the 'badass' award for that one."

"I dunno, I saw Lena punch a woman right in the face- knocked her clean out." Kara says with a smile. 

 "Really?"

"Impressive."

"Nice moves Luthor!" Winn says holding his hand up for a high-5. Lena gives it to him and notes it’s the first time in a while she hasn't cringed when someone identifies her by last name. 

The spotlight now on her, she just shrugs. "It wasn’t that impressive really. Surprise was on my side more than anything. I’m still voting for a Danvers if we're awarding Badass accolades. And I'm definitely not picking which one."

"Because it's clear, you'd side with me," Kara says, looping their arms together and pulling Lena close for a kiss on the cheek. Her eyes go wide in surprise- Lena's never been one for public displays of affection but it means a lot in context right now. 

"Ugh, save it for later,” Alex rolls her eyes, but can’t repress the little smile on her lips.

"Oh please, lIke we don't all know what you and Maggie are doing when you 'run down to the store for more beer'."

"Um-  _I_  didn't know that so thanks for that," Winn grumbles before finishing his drink. "Well, speaking of significant others I think I'm going to go see mine. Lyra finishes her shift soon."

The group starts the process of heading out. They gather belongings, Lena doing so as well- until Kara gives her a look like 'you're leaving too?' and she remembers that oh, staying is an option. 

She joins Kara at the door though and tries to act natural as all three other guests include her in the hug gauntlet as they head out the door. James' hug is firm and solid while Winn's is soft but tight. Alex's hug though radiates a warmth that's new yet familiar and reminds Lena so much of Kara that Lena almost feels taken aback. 

"This was fun," Alex says. "I'm taking you down next time though."

"Pffft, you can try." Lena snarks, only after saying it does she realize that Alex was talking to Kara. Before she can be embarrassed, Alex busts out laughing. She's still laughing when she shakes her head and edges out a quick goodnight, closing the door behind her. 

Lena heaves a sigh of relief, the tension in her body receding and leaving her feeling empty and exhausted. Kara wraps an arm around gathering her into a side hug. They make their way back to the couch and flop down on it.

“Well,” Lena starts, but doesn’t go any further, because Kara is stroking her palm and it’s honestly so nice and relaxing she forgets whatever it was she was going to say. She feels sleep tugging hard at her and she's not about to fight it.

Kara must notice, chuckles. “Agreed. Fun, but exhausting.”

“Your friends are lovely,” Lena manages, eyelids heavy. Between the couch and the Kara’s arm that’s still wrapped around her, she's cradled comfortably and isn't sure how much longer she can stay awake.

“Yeah. By the way, Winn’s going to lose his mind when he goes on that tour of your R &D department you offered to give him.”

“I’m looking forward to it too.” She yawns and buries further into Kara.

"I'm sorry I didn't introduce you sooner. I was just... I dunno. Worried I guess? What if you all didn't get along?"

"You want your people in one place." Lena mumbles, just on the precipice of sleep.

"Yeah. Yeah I do." Kara says quietly. She gives Lena a little squeeze.  “Hey. Should we just crawl in bed and fall asleep there instead?”

“nnnnnngmmm.” 

Lena doesn’t remember much after that, just a hazy memory of Kara lifting her effortlessly from couch to bed, and murmuring something soft and kind in her ear before she shuts off the light.

 

*_*_*_*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to take a moment again to thank everyone for the lovely comments- they mean so much, on so many levels. It's been especially touching to hear from people who identify as ace spectrum who can relate or identify with some things here. That means a lot. Seriously.
> 
> I should probably mention at this point that I don't really have a set end or goal for this fic. It started out because I wanted to use Ace!Kara and Soft!Lena to write a positive ace relationship, in as many ways and scenes and scenarios as I could... and it seems will continue to be just that. There are more conversations to have and more issues to navigate (in between fluffy stuff like this chapter) so I plan on chipping away at those- slowly, mind you- until... well who knows. Hope you continue to enjoy the ride :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to reiterate my usual preamble that in writing this fic, I'm only addressing one of the millions of possible iterations of an ace relationship. What works for one couple might not work for another and vice versa. This chapter does addresses something that comes up a lot though- I'm merely writing one way to go about it. :)

*_*_*_*_*

 

The media impact of Kara and Lena dating definitely brought a host of new issues. There were occasionally photographer’s when either of them went out, for example. A few even camped outside Kara’s building for a while (which made covertly coming and going as Supergirl trickier than usual). Once in a while reporters bugged her for statements too, which prompted a needed conversation early on about what exactly to say to these people.

“ _I’m loathe to do it, but it can’t be avoided_ , Lena had grumbled, when they finally sat down to address it, weeks ago. _“_ _LCorp’s official stand will of course be ‘The personal lives of our employees are just that, personal,’ but we should decide what we’ll say when asked as individuals.”_

_“I don’t like the spotlight,” Kara said, shaking her head. “You and LCorp can say whatever you need to, but less attention on me is better. I want to be the mysteriously anonymous partner in the background. I want to be like Meryl Streep’s husband- some total unknown entity, completely out of the media’s eye.”_

_“You know, her husband is actually a pretty famous sculptor by his own right.”_

_“Sculptors don’t make the front page of the news.”_

_“So as long as you’re not the story, you don’t care?”_

_“Exactly.”_

Kara remembers the exchange perfectly which is why she is dumbfounded by what she finds on her laptop screen this morning. It’s an advanced copy the upcoming cover story for CatCo magazine. It’s an exclusive interview with LCorp CEO Lena Luthor “about life, love and what it’s like to be a queer woman in power”.

It was emailed to Kara by the author: Cat Grant.

Cat Grant, Kara’s former boss and mentor. Cat Grant who was, for all intents and purposes, still on sabbatical meaning she went out of her way to do this interview. Kara’s brain all but glitches with all the possible meanings behind Ms. Grant doing that.

The email itself leaves little clues and less comfort, only thing attached beside the article itself was a short message:

_“She’s an acceptable choice, I suppose. Also, it’s clear she's head over heels in love with you. You should probably do something about that- the CEO of L-Corp should not act like a love struck teenager, even if it was off the record."_

Kara re-reads it five times, unsure what she’s even looking for or hoping to find. The idea of two of the most influential and important women in her life sitting across from one another, talking about her… Kara feels nervous nausea quelling in her gut and like it hadn’t already happened.

Kara moves onto the article, which was fantastic of course. It largely focusing on Lena’s career, on LGBT rights and women, especially queer women in business. Kara doesn’t miss the incredibly subtle and tactful way Cat manages to disparage Lillian for her lack of support while gently praising Lena for her achievements (Kara feels a inexplicable swell of pride in her chest at that).

No where in the article does it mention Kara by name and Lena’s ‘current relationship’ is only referenced once (the bare minimum for a CatCo article) and both question and response hardly call attention to themselves.

It’s the kind of article Ms. Grant is known for- a profile of an intelligent, ambitious woman, owning her success and not apologizing for who she is. It’s the kind of article Kara loves writing (and reading) too.

Still, something about Lena taking this particular interview nags at her. She brings it up over dinner.

“I’ve always been a fan of Ms. Grant," Lena replies when Kara asks. "I figured if she felt strongly enough to call in during a leave of absence just to interview me about it, who am I to say no? ”

She knows she gave Lena license to say what she wanted about them, but this? “You know she was my mentor right?”

“Yes, which didn't help my anxiety about it knowing this wasn’t just Master Interviewer Cat Grant, but Master Interviewer Cat Grant with something personal at stake.” Lena smiles over her glass of wine. “Not to mention the topic at hand. I’ve been fairly purposeful in keeping my personal life out of the spotlight and this article was almost nothing but. I put a lot on the line by giving this interview. I was nervous as hell.”

“Than why do it?”

Lena shrugs. “There are a whole lot of queer people out there who aren’t able to be so forthcoming. A lot who might want to head up their own company someday, or maybe already do. Know that it didn’t stop me and it shouldn’t stop them, that’s important.” She takes another sip and grins. “And yes, maybe part of me did it as a final F-U to Lillian, but why shouldn’t I be out and _proud_? Why shouldn’t I be able to be myself finally?”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Kara chews on the inside of her cheek a moment before asking what she was really curious about. “Soooo… did you and Ms. Grant talk at all, you know, off the record?”

“As a matter of fact, we did.”

“And?”

Lena chuckles humorously, “And it is _very_ clear how much Ms. Grant cares about you.”

Kara wants to ask, she desperately wants to know, and it takes all she has to nod and give a calm and even, “Oh, that’s nice to hear.”

“While we’re on the subject of us and public attention though, I wanted to ask you something…”

“Go ahead.”

Lena smiles, but runs her hand through her hair the way she does when she’s nervous. “I have a big fundraiser coming up. It’s LCorp’s semi annual charity gala. I was wondering if you’d like to go as my date? -It’s okay if not of course. Especially when we don’t know what will come in the wake of this article.” She bits her lip, “But I just thought I’d ask.”

Lena fold her hands in that way she does to keep from fidgeting. This must mean a lot to her. It’s a no brainer, “Of course I’ll go with you. I’ll be your official Plus- One this time.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.”

 

*_*_*

 

“Really?” Alex asks, as she plops down on the sofa next to her sister. “A gala huh?”

“It’ll be our first ‘ _public appearance’_ ,” Kara smears the phrase, rolling her eyes.

“Like you’re some friggin' royal dignitary. I guess that’s what you get for dating a famous person,” Alex shrugs, flipping on the TV and grabbing a slice of pizza from the box in front of them.

“Lena’s going to spend the whole night glad-handing old buddies and business associates. She says it means a lot to know she has one friendly face in the crowd. I hope there’s something decent to eat at least.” She tears into her own slices and tucks her feet under her.

“Third wheel all night,” Alex tsks congenially. “I know what that’s like. Did I tell you I met one of Maggie’s ex’s?”

“No- when was this?”

“Oh, it was like forever ago now. Emily, that was her name.” Alex shakes her head at the memory. “Just weird imagining and then see Maggie with other people, you know? Not bad, just odd.”

“I haven’t met any of Lena’s people. Well, I mean, Jack. Technically, I think? … Actually she never talks about anyone else she was with.”

Alex shrugs, “Probably because it doesn’t matter. Just a weird experience is all. I dunno. Probably way worse to deal with Lena’s business people than her personal ones.”

“Yeah.” She tries to push the idea of 'Lena's people' out of her head, and is mostly successful. Something does stay simmering in the back though, some little piece of the puzzle that's been moved just slightly askew now. She tires to ignore it. “I have to find a new dress I think. Wanna come shopping with me?”

"What choice do I have? We both know I don't you’re going to end up with something hideous, and I can’t let me little sister show up to her royal début night looking like a frump,” Alex grins. “Let’s go at lunch tomorrow. Now shut up and watch the movie.”

“Thanks Alex.”

“What are sister’s for?” She knocks her pizza slice into Kara’s. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.”

 

*_*_*

 

Kara fidgets with the hem of her new indigo dress as they pull up to the event.

Lena gets out of the limo first and Kara can hear the cameras even before she sees them. Lena leaning back in, offering a hand, which Kara takes. Just as anticipated, the lights, flashes, noises, are all too much. Lena gives her hand a squeeze and, just as they planned, Kara focuses straight ahead on the doors and they make their way in, no dawdling.

Once inside, Lena leads them past a velvet rope and straight upstairs to the VIP balcony area. It’s quieter, less people, and has a nice view of the ballroom and the cityscape beyond.

"I have to mingle down there for a while. I’ll bring you back a drink- why don't you go grab something to eat. There’s private buffet up here, just around the corner. "

“I’ll be fine, take your time. I’m here for _you_ , remember?”

Lena bites her lip in the way she does when she’s beyond grateful but doesn’t want to gush over it. “I know. Thank you.”

“Well, I love you. So go get ‘em.”

She grins and squeezes Kara’s hand, uttering a quick “Love you too,” before letting go and heading downstairs.

Lena had been so nervous earlier, pacing back and forth and worrying her fingers over her necklace. _“It’s just- it’s our first LCorp function as a couple,” she said. “I know you wanted to stay out of the spotlight but people are going to see us together and want to talk to you and-“_

_“And so I’ll talk to them,” Kara shrugged, giving her most reassuring smile. “Relax. I’m sure I’ll have a good time.”_

“ _Kara, *I* don’t even have a good time at these things. I’m just aiming for only minimally uncomfortable.”_

By that measure, Kara’s evening is definitely exceeding expectations . As Kara fills her plate with potsickers and pizza bagels she realizes that while there are a few other guests up here, there’s a very good likelihood that Lena made this VIP section just for Kara. If so, it’s extremely thoughtful and far too much (which seems to be just Lena’s style). It’s a style of affection that Kara’s been working on getting used to but tonight she’s easily grateful for the gesture. She finishes filling her plate and makes her way to the balcony railing, content to watch the gala now in full swing, below.

Nature specials were one of Kara’s favorite things to watch since she arrived on Earth. At first, they were just useful (as were the historical documentaries Alex and Eliza used to watch), but later she found she just enjoyed them. She enjoyed watching how creatures interacted, each individual species’ socialization rituals and processes for survival.

Now, from her perch above, she feels the same as she did watching those shows. Though unfortunately minus the David Attenborough narrative voice over. As her attention flits from group to group, she lets her super hearing do the same. Normally she’s not one to eavesdrop but from Lena said, it might be a long night.

Conversations vary from the banal (“You simply must try it. The Chef’s new menu there is divine!”) to the slightly disconcerting (“I’m not messing around here, Tommy. You either sell the stock or you’re going to get dragged down with the rest of them.”)

Lena’s name (both first and last) is thrown around quite often and not often in a positive light. Kara cannot understand how the people of this city can possibly doubt her motivations but whispers of incompetence and nefarious doings still seem to circulate.

“Lena Luthor. You’re looking fit as ever.”

Something about the tone is a bit different, dragging Kara’s attention to the speaker. From her vantage, Kara can see it’s woman that’s addressing Lena near the bar area. Tall, wearing dark lipstick and a tight maroon dress that barely reaches mid-thigh, she looks to be about Alex’s age but has the grace and poise of someone much older.

“Diana Adams,” Lena hums, surprised. “It’s been a while.”

“Too long, I’d say,“ and the woman makes no attempt to hide the way she looks Lena up and down.

Lena politely ignores the gesture but there’s a slight flush to her cheeks betraying something Kara doesn’t really want to think about. “What brings you to National City?”

“I was here on business for the lab, scouting new technology. Imagine my delight when I heard you were the one throwing the party. Maybe we could use the opportunity to,” she places her hand on Lena’s arm just above her elbow. “Reconnect?”

Kara watches in absolute disbelief, as the mystery woman caresses her thumb in an unmistakably intentioned gesture. Lena pulls away but Kara can see the flush deepen. “I’m afraid I don’t really have a lot of free time.”

“From what I remember, you don’t need much time at all. The night at beach for example. I remember you-“

“- _Diana_.” Lena hushes, and despite the tone, Kara can’t deny the way Lena’s heartbeat has ticked up a bit. “I’ll have to pass.”

“Is it the blonde I saw on your arm when you came in? You certainly have a type by the way,” she snarks, shaking a little of her own blonde hair over her shoulder. “Listen, I can accept deciding not to, but don’t tell me you don’t _want_ to.”

“I don’t want to.”

The response is quick and solid yet the other woman raises an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced. “Riiight. Well, nice to see you again Lena. Maybe we’ll run into each other again in the future. When you have a bit more… time.”

“Enjoy your evening, Diana.”

“Likewise,” she breezes.

Lena begins making her way back through the crowd with their drinks, not stopping a moment to look back. Kara, in turn, backs away from the balcony and find the first thing she can to pretends to focus her attention on. By the time Lena arrives at her side, Kara appears to be enraptured by the melting ice sculpture center piece.

“Did you find the potstickers, love?” Lena asks gently, handing Kara her drink.

“Yeah, they were good.” Kara says it quietly, afraid any more will betray her.

They stand side by side for a bit, both sharing in the façade of ice sculpture appreciation before Lena finally breaks the silence. “So. How much of that business by the bar did you hear?”

“All of it.” Kara’s not going to lie. If Lena is going to put it out there, so will she.

Instead of going defensive, Lena lets out an amused little puff air and a chuckle. “Diana and I went to college together. One of only other girls in the department. She’s always been like that; pushy and egotistical to the core.”

“Sounds like she was more interested in YOUR core,” Kara says flatly.

“Yes,” Lena laughs, “Yes it did.”

Lena appears lightly amused by it. Kara certainly isn’t. “ _And_?”

“And what?” She turns to face her finally.

“And, she wanted to have sex with you!” Kara hisses at Library- Yelling volume.

“We’ve established that, yes.”

“Well, I want to know why you didn’t.”

“Are you serious?” Lena scoffs, amused tone fading. “I’m with you!”

“So if you weren’t with me, would you have?”

“Kara-“ Lena rolls her eyes.

“- _Would you?”_

“You mean would I sleep with her under completely and utterly different circumstances to this reality? I really don’t know.”

Kara nods, mostly to herself. She’s not sure what she feels. Sad? Disappointed?

“Kara, what’s prompting all this? Are you… jealous?”

“No.” That’s not it. It’s something different. “I just… sometimes I think maybe you _should_. Sleep with other people.”

Lena makes a motion to reply but Kara holds up her hand, “No, let me finish! I think about it sometimes, that maybe if you got those needs met somewhere else, that it wouldn’t be so much of an issue.”

Kara continues on, words speeding up into a bit of a ramble. “But then I think of you with someone else and I feel sick about it because honestly I don’t want that and I don’t know that if you did sleep with someone else, that you wouldn’t just decide to be with that other person instead then. I mean, why be with me when maybe there’s someone out there that you could have it all with right? I don’t know that you’d come back to me or why, if that was the case, and I don’t know what we would be if you did. I don’t want to be just your friend, and I’m afraid that’s what it would be. So yeah.”

When Kara’s gaze finally returns to Lena, the expression she finds there is anything but understanding. Instead she finds that flat, neutral mask- the one Kara hates- the one Lena wears when she is upset but doesn’t want to show it. It’s the one she wears when she knows that if she lets how she’s feeling seep through the cracks even a little, she won’t be able to control it.

“You know I respect your opinion,” Lena says stiffly. “And I know you’re just expressing how you feel… but do you really think I want sex badly enough to sleep with other people? Do you really think that’s who I am?”

Lena exhales through her nose, a brusque snort of frustration, restraint barely holding. “Kara, I want to be with you- all of you- not just some sort of piece meal thing. I’ve been quite forthright about that too, so it hurts that- that you still make these assumptions. I never assume what you want or need Kara. I listen and I ask and I _trust you_ _to be honest with me_. Right now you’re making me feel like maybe you don’t know or trust who I am at all.”

 _Oh_.

Like a switch flicked, suddenly illuminating a dark room, Kara suddenly sees a very different perspective. She moves to interject, to try and sort it out, but Lena waves her off. “No, not right now. Can we please talk about this later? I just… I think I need a little space at the moment.”

Lena’s asked for space before. Early on it was clear that they both need different things when they’re upset. Kara liked contact and direction; she wants hugs and someone to sit with her and figure out how to solve it. Lena, on the other hand, wants space. She likes hugs and solutions too, but only after she has some time alone to get what she’s feeling out.

The first time she told Kara this, asked for space, Kara left and the moment the door closed behind her Lena burst into tears. Kara knows this because she saw it, x-rayed through Lena’s bedroom door, and it was all she could do to keep herself from crashing right through the wall and scooping Lena up in her arms.

That night, Lena cried- _keened_ is a better word- for about ten minutes before blowing her nose, wiping her eyes and walking out of the room straight into Kara’s embrace. She said she needed that time alone because sometimes she couldn’t deal with how she was feeling and worry about someone else at the same time. _“And when you’re around Kara, that’s all I can think about.”_

This feels different this time, but Lena’s made it very clear what she needs and Kara thinks enough damage is done for the moment that she’s not about to push anything. “Okay. Do you just want me to be somewhere else here for a while or do you want me to leave entirely?”

“I’d think I’d like you to go.” She doesn’t look at Kara as she says it.

“Okay. I… guess I’ll go, then.” Kara is devastated but tries to hold it together. “I’ll see you at home?”

Lena nods, but still doesn’t look up.

“Okay, goodnight then.”

“Goodnight.”

Kara makes her way out of the party, around the building to the alleyway behind before she lets the little sob in her chest escape. She resists the urge to X-ray the building, to find Lena, to invade that space for her own comfort. Instead she launches herself into the sky. She goes higher than usual, where the air is thinner and colder. She flies fast, lets the wind dry away tears and the cold numb her a bit.

She slows down eventually and debates going to Alex’s, before remembering this was her and Maggie’s night off together.

Well, at least one couple is having an enjoyable evening. She heads home instead.

Kara’s apartment is home for them both (Lena told her that early on) and Kara found that to be significant for reasons she was never able to articulate. She changes into pajamas and sits on the couch, letting the TV play for an hour before she realizes she’s not even watching it. She clicks it off, annoyed and decides to just try and go to sleep.

The bed feels empty and expansive without Lena. Their sleeping patterns couldn’t be more different but they’ve managed to find a happy medium of time. Kara loves to sprawl and spend much of her night tossing and turning. Lena tends to curl up, making herself as small as possible. She also like to cuddle and almost is unconsciously drawn like a magnet, latching on wherever Kara moved.

Alone, Kara feels like something is missing, and there’s a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as the events of the evening play on repeat behind her eyes. She’d thought about it before- what it would be like if she let Lena have sex with other people. She thought about so many different ways that might go down, what it would mean, all the time knowing that it was not something she’d ever want or feel comfortable with.

Kara had thought about it many times before, but she never once really thought about what it would be like for Lena. She just assumed Lena would want to. Assumed that based on nothing.

That sick feeling in her stomach twists and hardens. She tries to think about something else.

It’s 2am when Kara hears the key in the lock. She recognizes the click of Lena’s heals on the hardwood, and the weary sigh she always emits when she returns home from an especially long day.

Lena strips off her party clothes and crawls in bed. She only pauses a moment before sliding over, wrapping her arms around and molding to herself to Kara’s back.

It’s all Kara’s wanted since they left the party but the stubborn part of her just can’t seem to shut up or let things lie. “What happened to needing some space?”

Lena kisses the back of her neck in the way she knows Kara can’t resist, before separating her body from Kara’s a bit. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have assumed what you wanted.” The words are sincere but Kara can also hear the malice-less ‘I told you so’ and a hopeful ‘you get it right?’ tucked behind her smile.

Lena moves to shift further away but Kara rolls over quickly and stops the retreat, draping an arm over Lena’s waist keeping them face-to-face. “I’m sorry Lena.” She tucks a few loose hairs behind Lena’s ear. “I do trust you and I shouldn’t have assumed anything. It was… I let my head get runaway with me a bit I guess, when I should have just talked to you about it. Can we just… move forward from this? Talk more tomorrow? Keep working on us?”

Lena smiles like Kara’s missing the point, or only just got it. “Yes. Please.” She says, placing a little kiss on Kara’s nose. The smile chases away a bit, her expression a bit more serious. “You know, I don’t want to be just your friend either. The truth is, I can’t really imagine myself with anyone else if you’re still an option. As long as you’re alive- as long as you want to be with me- I want to be with you. There’s no one else, no other combination of traits or anything else, that I want more than you, Kara.”

Kara’s glad Lena’s done with needing space because she pulls Lena to her, holding her tightly. Kara kisses Lena’s forehead and presses them together even further as a few remaining tears of her own slip out (though this time more relief than anything else). “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too,” Lena says from her tucked under Kara’s chin.

They falls asleep soon after, just like that, arms wrapped around each other, keeping what they hold most dear held close until dawn.

 

*_*_*_*_*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Gane who talked me through what an appropriate Cat Grant response might be (because damned if I know). Look out for some fluffy-as-hell biz next chapter though :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Worth noting that the timeline is loose and flowy in a forward direction from here on out, so enjoy this nebulous jump to fluffy fluffy fluff land.

 

*_*_*_*_*

The wedding is small but beautiful. It’s held north of the city on a rocky shoreline beach, secluded by a forest of pines trees behind it. It’s the kind of place that feels sacred in a way, tranquil and timeless, like it was there long before and will remain well after. When Kara asked them why they picked the spot, Maggie and Alex both just smiled and looked at each other, like they have their own personal joke. 

The ceremony is short and to the point, as are both women's vows. That's not to say they didn’t pack a punch. Maggie cries a little, Alex cries a lot, and Kara cries the whole time. Lena manages to hold it together until the very end, her tipping point hitting somewhere between Alex grinning through her tears as she slips the ring on Maggie's finger and the way that Maggie manages to awkwardly dip Alex as they kiss.

Lena is grateful for distracting shatter of the bottle as Alex smashes under her shoe- it gives Lena a moment to pull herself together. Clearly her tears didn't go unnoticed though, as J'onn gives her a far too knowing eyebrow-raise across the aisle as they file out.

The reception isn’t far, just next door at the campsite’s community lodge. Alex said they just wanted to keep things simple, that they were paying for it themselves, and didn’t want anything fancy anyway. Plus, Alex told Kara, Maggie didn't feel good about getting help from anyone, because she knew there wasn't anyone from her side that would be helping.  

After hearing that, Lena thinks she showed a lot of restraint in limiting her surprise contribution to just the catered buffet and fully stocked open bar service. 

"It wasn't a _gift_ , just an upgrade." Lena plays innocent when Maggie and Alex find her later.

"See, I knew it," Alex gruffs, trying to look pissed but failing to keep a straight face. "Never trust a Luthor." 

Maggie barks a laugh at that and Lena can't help but give in too. She has to marvel at the moment, just a few years ago she could never have hoped for all this. Being part of a real family. Having one. 

That’s what she thinks about for the remainder of the night. About her new family. She thinks about it as she watches as Kara (thanks to a flask M'gann provided) drunkenly flaps around, dancing with Lucy and Alex. She thinks about it as James snaps photos of everyone- grinning all the way up through his eyes as he does. She thinks about it when Winn challenges J'onn to an arm wrestling match, and when Eliza passes him wet napkins for the mustard stain on his sleeve where his arm connected with the table.

It’s what she’s thinking about at 1am too, when Maggie plops down on the bench beside her outside. Below, beyond the deck of the lodge, guests mill around the edge of the parking lot waiting for Ubers and Lyfts back to their hotels.

Lena had been watching Maggie all evening. Watching Maggie watch Alex and Eliza and scanning the crowd in between. Lena knows that feeling. She's even talked about it with Winn once or twice too. It's that feeling of knowing that someone who should have loved and cared for you didn’t… and still hoping they might change their hearts.

And maybe Maggie somehow knew this because Lena is the one she drunkenly stumbles to, the one she plops down next to on the bench swing outside, slouching like she simply could not hold herself up any longer. 

Lena is the one Maggie turns to and says, "You know, I did invite them. My family. Every single one of them. A sick part of me still fuckin'  _hoped,_ ya know?"

"I do," Lena nods out to the vista before them. 

"God, we’re pathetic." She takes a sip of her beer, wincing like the idea had gone flat in her mouth.

“Mm-hm.” Lena sighs into her own drink, almost sloshing the wine on her hand in the process. Her tongue is thick but loose and she’s beyond caring about the little slurred accent attached to her words. "You know, as far as I can tell, that pathetic hope will always be there. I just have to remind myself that have a new family now though, too. And not to let my past keep me from celebrating my today." Lena lifts her glass just slightly, "So, Cheers to celebrating today."

Maggie chuckles softly, but that trademark grin stretches across her face too. She pings her glass against Lena's. "Damn right. Cheer's Luthor." 

Down below at the sidewalk, Alex has arrived on scene- drunk but determined to make sure everyone is getting home alright. Wedding or not, that drive to fix things can't be shut off.

Maggie spots her too and heaves a good-natured sigh. "I should help. She's not going to be able to relax until she knows everyone's all set." 

"Best not keep the lady waiting then."

Maggie stands and takes a few steps to go, but stops. "You know, that pathetic hope isn't always a bad thing. For a while I thought I’d always be alone, doubted I could find someone I could ever really love and trust. But I couldn’t shake that hope. Kinda glad I didn’t- not sure I'd be where I am today without it." 

Maggie gives Lena at sloppy two-finger salute as she heads down the stairs to try and assist Alex. "Duty calls."

Lena’s not sure how long she sits there but eventually Kara appears at her side. "Hey, a few of us are going to make a campfire on the beach. Lucy brought stuff for S'mores and Winn is going on about how he can tell as ghost story that will actually scare us." She must see something in Lena’s expression because she follows with, “Hey, are you okay?” and lays a hand on Lena’s shoulder.

"No. I mean, yes.” She covers Kara's hand with her own. "It was a just a really good day is all." 

Kara nods. "Yeah. It was. Now come help me finish it with melty-marshmallow treats."

"Yes, ma'am." 

Lena glances back at Maggie standing next to Alex (who still appears to be arguing with Vasquez' Lyft  driver about something) before focusing back on the trail ahead of them. She pulls Kara a little closer, reveling in the way her skin radiates heat even with the damp ocean chill in the air around them. Today was very good indeed. She has hope that tomorrow and the day after will be good as well. Maybe that was the point of today's celebration after all: Two people daring to hope.  

"You know, of course,” Lena begins. “That the story I'm going to tell is going to make Winn's sound like a nursery rhyme, right?"

"I have no doubt.”

Lena can’t stop the wicked grin from spreading across her face. “Neither do I.”

 

*_*_*_*_*


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a totally random, completely indulgent chapter. I don't know.

*_*_*_*_*

 

Being able to be physical, without having to worry about someone overstepping or touching her in a way she doesn’t want, has been incredible. Kara can hardly believe it.

She can hardly believe that she’ll never have to cover up a reflexive squirm of discomfort with 'sorry I'm just ticklish'. She'll never have to count backwards or distract herself, and wait for it to be over. She’ll never have to remember to pay attention to the cues of shifting progression so she can ‘react’. And she'll never have to wonder if the other person can tell what she's doing, how disconnected she really is from it. She’ll never have to wonder if they can tell it's pushing her further away.

Kara doesn’t have to pretend anymore, she doesn’t have to lie. She doesn’t have to sacrifice her own physical and emotional comfort for someone else’s and- most unbelievable and fantastic of all- she’ll never have to feel guilty about not doing so.

Lena said something to her early on, the night after she came out to Alex and they first talked about what Kara liked. She talked about expectation. About how so much of touch is context. A loving caress can be enjoyed as a loving caress- unless there’s the expectation it will segue into something else, something sexual.

She and Lena have been together long enough now that Kara _knows_. She knows that there is no next step, no segue, no expectation of something more on Lena’s part. Since that night she first outted herself as Ace, Lena has dropped all expectations and maybe it’s taken Kara this long to finally settle and believe it too.

So when she collapses on Lena’s couch exhausted, powers blown out from a rather ugly fight with a rogue Lepidopta, and Lena asks if she wants a massage, she feels comfortable enough to say yes.

Still, she’s not sure exactly what this might entail- Lena’s never suggested it before- so hangs back a little as she makes her way to the bedroom. Lena actually reroutes her to the bathroom instead.

“No, if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do this right. First, you need a hot bath. I need you loose and pliable,” she smiles. “Also, you still smell like Mutant Space Moth gunk.”

Kara rolls her eyes but gives her skin a whiff- and yeah, Lena might be onto something there. “Okay.”

“Excellent. I’ll go get everything ready.” She exits the bathroom before Kara can inquire exactly what ‘everything’ might entail.

Kara takes five whole minutes to get fully submerged in the bath because- at Lena’s behest- the water was scalding hot. When her powers are gone, some sensory stuff gets more muted but other things become more heighted. It’s hard for her to parse out aloud what’s what, but all she knows is when she slinks down and submerges herself up to her shoulders in the hot water, it’s the first time today she forgets about her powers.

The bathwater is scented with lavender- Lena’s scent. Purple and floral and distinct. Lena’s tub is huge and Kara takes advantage, rolling like and alligator and enjoying the feel of floating with purpose. Eventually she sets to scrubbing herself clean, giving up trying to sort through the various half-filled bottles and bars of soap lining the tub and picking one at random. It smells like almonds.

She dries herself off, and pads towards the bedroom, raising her eyebrows at the scene before her.

Lena loves candles. There is always a candle or two lit when Kara comes over and they’ve even slowly made their way into Kara’s apartment as well. “It looks like one of those terrible Lesbian romance scenes in here.”

“There are _five_ candles here, not the standard cinematic 70+. Don’t exaggerate. And I lit them for scent, not for mood.” Lena says it as though she’s offended but Kara doesn’t miss the little twinkle in her eye. Lena is making fun of her- which means she’s in a particularly good mood. “It’s my ‘Autumn Holiday’ combination. Maple, Apples, cinnamon, campfire, and pine.”

“It’s like you’re from another planet,” she shakes her head.

“Ha, ha. Now come on, get on the bed. Face down if you will.”

“You mean, naked?” Kara asks, feeling that habitual tug of apprehension nag at her stomach.

Lena smiles, but rolls her eyes. “That was my intent, but if you don’t want to I can put the towel over you or you can put something on.”

“No, no, that’s fine. I was just… clarifying.” Kara does a quick check in with herself, and finds that yes, she feels okay about it.

She drops the towel and climbs on the bed, flopping dramatically on her stomach in front of Lena causing the other woman to chuckle. While Kara doesn’t miss the grin of appreciation Lena has as she runs her eyes over Kara, it’s more appreciation than that hungry look that would make her nervous of people in the past.

“Alright,” Lena says, kneeling next to Kara’s hip. “You ready?”

“Yup,” Kara says, wriggling a little to get into her most relaxed pose.

“Good.”

Lena starts with Kara’s head, kneading and tugging and applying just the right pressure. She massages along muscles in Kara’s face, around her eyes, her jaw and her ears. She drags her fingers around Kara’s scalp before working her way down Kara’s neck.

She turns Kara’s head to the side, first the left than the right, and strips along the length of her neck muscles and working into her shoulders. There, she continues grinding down into thick of the muscle, stripping along the length of it and squeezes pressure points. It feels less like Lena is making her body feel better, and more like she’s breaking it down and rearranging it _better_. Every bit of her, moved and drawn out to the right position, all the way down to the tiny muscles in her finger tips. Lena unfurls the knots and then rubs them smooth before moving onto the next.

So much of her body’s energy must be focused on muscles being coiled and ready, releasing that tension makes her almost lightheaded. She feels out of it, but not enough to keep from chuckling in anticipation, realizing that Lena has made her way slowly top to bottom, and speaking of which, she’s just finished Kara’s lower back.

Lena loves Kara’s butt. In addition to daily pinches, grabs, slaps, shakes (and on two occasions, bites), Lena talks about Kara’s butt all the time. So Kara was already prepared for the massage to spend a generous amount of time there.

What she was not prepared for was Lena digging in deep, expertly kneading and beating it to a pulp, to the point where Kara is wondering if she’s going to be able to walk later, or even want to. At one point Kara lets slip an appreciative groan.

“I’ll take that as a good thing?” Lena purrs from above, leaning he body weight further into her ministrations.

“Gahhhh-huh,” Kara manages, trying not to drool.

Kara feels more than hears Lena laugh before reluctantly moving on to her hamstrings. She proceeds to slowly work the rest of Kara with that same level of pressure, expertly tenderizing Kara like an expensive filet. Kara wonders if Lena has always been this strong and she just didn’t notice, or if this is something she’s been working on.

Lena ends by raking her fingers up the nape of Kara’s neck into her hair, then massaging her scalp once more and Kara thinks she may have actually passed out for a moment because the next thing she knows, the sheet is back over her and Lena is crawling into bed on the other side of the mattress.

“Thadwuzuh-mzing,” Kara burbles. “I feel like melted Jello.”

“Good. That was what I was going for.”

“Where did you learn to do that?”

Kara’s not sure what she expected but it certainly wasn’t, “I looked it up on YouTube.”

“You learned to do that… from a YouTube video?”

She shrugs, “A few of them actually, but yes.”

Kara blinks and shakes that away. She’s not sure what to say to that. She’s still stuck on how every muscle in her body feels like it’s resting for the first time in years. “Do you remember when you asked me initially, what I liked? Like early on? And I didn’t know really?”

“Yes.”

“Well that was it. That’s what I like. I like that. I like that hard pressure, the solidness of it. Flat palms not fingertips, but all the best spots and, and, yeah. All of that.”

“Oh, I know you do,” Lena gloats, not bothering to look up from her book. “Why do you think I learned about it in the first place?”

“ _How?_ How is it possible you continue to know what I like before I do?”

“You know too, I just pay more attention,” Lena chuckles, finally glancing away from her book and back at Kara. “You like your back rubbed but not too lightly and not up your spine. Shoulders, collarbone are all good, but again, not too lightly…”

Kara realizes she’s crossed her arms, maybe feeling a bit too exposed somehow but at the same time very intrigued. Lena continues.

“Your ribs are you’re undoing,” Kara snorts at this but Lena continues as if she didn’t hear it, “Same for if I kiss or nip anywhere around your jaw. I know you also happen to like teasing me, working me up sometimes. You’re polite enough not to that often but it’s definitely something that gets you going. And I know you like when I tease you-“

“-which you _never_ do,” Kara all but grumbles. “Why is that by the way?”

“I’d never want to put you in a situation where you’d want to go masturbate and have to explain yourself.”

Kara’s face flushes deeply, “I- I don’t, ya know…“

“- _Of course_ _you do_.” Lena rolls her eyes. “I _know_ you do and no need to explain. Touching yourself is completely different than touching or being touched by someone else.”

She picks up her book again. “Kara, I know you. And love making you happy and feel good because you make me happy and feel good every single day. That’s all.” She pauses, slouching down a little further in bed. “Now get some sleep. The only reason Alex agreed to sign you out AMA was because I promised I’d make you go back to the DEO for labs first thing tomorrow.”

Kara wants to groan but she can’t keep the smile off her face. So she settles for mumbling a half-hearted “Fine,” into her pillow.

Eyelids heavy, she spends the last of her wakefulness sliding her hand over to rest warmly on Lena’s thigh, before she slips off to sleep.

 

*_*_*_*_*


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. So, here's another totally indulgent chapter but this time it comes with forewarnings. This chapter has a character touching themselves and imagining a sexual scene between themselves and someone else. In short, I managed to indirectly write smut for an Ace fic. If that isn't your thing, feel free to skip it. This chapter, and this chapter alone, is rated E.

 

 

*_*_*_*_*

 

Lena has no shame about being attracted to Kara. Nor does she have any issue with the fact that she’s turned on by her. As far as Lena’s concerned, those things are both totally natural and completely beyond her control. 

After that though, things get a little less black and white and a little more blurred.

Is it wrong, for example, for her think of Kara in a sexual sense, to fantasize about her? Is that disrespectful somehow? And might doing so make it more difficult for Lena to separate those things?

So far, it hasn’t- made it any more difficult, that is. Lena loves Kara and nothing about that love is implicitly sexual. It's that 1% of the time... times where she has to excuse herself because she knows those thoughts- those feelings and desires are written all over her face are undeniably coursing through her body. Is it wrong to keep thinking of Kara  _then_? Is it wrong to touch herself and imagine them together like that? Lena knows it’s absolutely ridiculous and that it isn’t wrong, but it still _feels_ wrong some how. (It also feels a bit like exactly what she wants). 

She wishes she had some one to talk about it with. She’s not about to with Kara. Lena has spent far too long reassuring Kara and building comfort and trust and this truly isn't a big enough deal to risk causing more doubt or discomfort. Lena's list of friends outside of Kara is basically Kara's list of friends, so that's out of the question as well. At one point she even considered consulting online forums but even the thought of typing "Is it wrong to masturbate to fantasies about my asexual girlfriend?" makes her a bit uneasy. 

Lena is a scientist though, so it's clear the only solutions will be garnered from her own research. So she does- research that is. She tries out variables and checks in with results about how she's feeling. 

Again, she knows it’s absurd, but it never really feels okay. Yet Kara’s the one she wants, it’s Kara that she loves and it’s Kara that sets her heart (and other parts of her) ablaze. She doesn’t feel guilty thinking about other people when she does it- but she doesn’t _want_ to think about other people either. That’s not what does it for her.

It’s an odd conundrum and an ongoing one, until the strangest solution hits her. 

It's the dumbest thing really.

While fantasizing about Kara seems to cause her several issues, fantasizing about Supergirl is an entirely different story.

It’s hard to say why really. Maybe it’s because she knows that Supergirl is a just costumed façade, symbol for public consumption, there for the taking. Maybe the idea of a super-powered Alien is just out there enough to offset anything else.

It doesn’t matter really. What matters is that through some bizarre twisted logic, Lena finds she doesn’t feel the least bit guilty when she fantasizes about Supergirl's hands on her. What matters is that superimposing (no pun intended) that ubiquitous blue and red over her lover’s body saves her from her own irrational guilt- yet still gives her what she wants.

(Her mother would probably die if she knew Lena got off to fantasies of a Super fucking her senseless, though honestly, the way Lex talked about Superman sometimes made her wonder if she wasn’t the only Luthor in that boat).

At any rate tonight, alone in her office, long after everyone has gone home for the night, Lena finds her thoughts turning to that Super in question.

A quick glance at her phone lets her know it’s half past midnight, which would explain why her eyes feel like they’re buzzing. Her body aches, twisted from nearly continuous tension throughout the day; a release would be welcome...

She shuts her laptop and the other lights as well, until the moonlight seeping in through the windows behind her is the only illumination. Leaning back in her chair, she closes her eyes and imagines strong arms supporting her, effortlessly carrying her in from the balcony and setting her down in her office once more.

"Thank you for saving me _,_ " and Lena is aware her lips ghost along to the imagined dialogue. In her mind, she has to lean on her desk, a bit breathless from the adrenaline of being saved and more than a bit turned on. That look of cold determination in Supergirl’s eye, that confidence in her physical superiority, the way she wields her power so efficiently, so expertly, always leaves Lena breathless.

In her mind, Supergirl stands before her, face smudged with soot, brow glistening with sweat. Her expression is still determined but its focus has now settled on Lena. Supergirl looks at her like Lena is the next feat to tackle and being the subject of that gaze causes a very real shiver to run through her. 

In her mind’s eye, Supergirl starts to stalk towards her, causing Lena to back up. She bumps into the desk, nearly loses balance, but catches herself last minute. Supergirl continues to advance, only stopping inches shy of Lena, looming over her.

"Supergirl, what are you..."

Supergirl just smiles but the way it glints in the half-light is less comforting and more predatory. It’s a smile of someone who knows they’re about to get what they want, about to take whatever they want. She steps even closer, steps in between Lena's skirted legs, causing them to open wider. 

"What do you want?" Lena whispers to the imagined superhero. In reality, her words echo off the walls of her deserted office as she let's her own hand loose the buttons on her shirt in preparation. 

In her mind’s eye, Supergirl leans down, causing Lena to have to lean back, forearms bracing her up on the desk. The hero wastes no time capturing Lena’s lips with her own- taking what she wants. The kiss is searing, enveloping. It's hot, open mouthed, tongue exploring and teasing with the ease of someone who has no worries about being rejected. It's the ease of someone who knows they’re in total control and Lena is wet just at the idea of it. 

Supergirl eases back up, standing at full height over Lena once more.  “You.”

"What?" Lena husks, already half unraveled in her mind. In reality her hand has already started its journey, tracing light paths over her chest and torso, exciting the skin as she goes.

Supergirl places a hand on Lena's thigh, pushing it up slowly and taking Lena's skirt up with it.  “I want you." 

Lena shivers once more and feels the throb between her legs amplify. 

Supergirl bends down, scooping Lena up easily, and carries her to the couch. There, she tosses Lena down, before climbing on top of her and straddling her hips. 

The hero wastes no time, ripping open Lena’s blouse and proceeds to bite and lick her way down Lena’s chest. In reality, Lena shoves her bra up over her breasts, and in her mind Supergirl does the same, palming them roughly. Lena writhes. Supergirl’s attention is hot and sharp, taking what she wants, and Lena more than happy to let her. 

In her mind, Supergirl places Lena’s hands down on the sofa above Lena’s head, out of the way. In reality though, Lena’s hands roam freely. Shirt unbuttoned and skirt hiked up she lets fingers drag greedily over her body, trailing wherever the superhero in her mind roams. 

Attention shifts south and nails scrape at the sensitive skin of her inner thighs, working their way up but not quite to where Lena wants it. Supegirl leans forward and takes her breast into her mouth, teeth and tongue gently teasing at the nipple until it hardens. Meanwhile another hand slowly ghosts the flat of her palm over Lena’s underwear. Pressure far too light, Lena’s hips buck up to meet it but Supergirl just moves to holds her hips down.

“ _Be good_.” 

It’s a command, not a question but Lena nods anyway, compliant and beyond turned on. She decides to hurry things along a bit. With her skirt hiked up out of the way, she’s unobstructed from tracing patterns devilishly light over her silk underwear, already soaked through, and imagines Supergirl’s hands fingers doing the same. 

Lena lets her fingers trace up and down over the crease of her folds, pressure just short of what she wants, letting the need build. Her hips cant up, chasing the pressure but neither real nor imagined hands give in to its demands. 

She pauses a moment to divest herself of the last barrier, shimmying out of her underwear, letting them collect on the floor. The cool office air hits her and it if wasn’t already apparent how wet she was, it certainly is now. 

Lena pauses a moment. She opens her eyes and reaches into her purse. Out of the innocuous grey sunglass case, she retrieves her favorite purple and white vibrator. She grins in anticipation, selecting a low but continuous setting, and settles back in her chair and closes her eyes once more, rejoining the scene already in progress. 

In her mind, Kara- sorry,  _Supergirl_ \- is quick to resettle between her legs as well, dragging her bottom lip along the same route as before, warm breath adding to the heat rebuilding there already. Lena bites back a wine of frustration at the image in her mind and finally lets fantasy and reality meet as she drags over slick skin in earnest. 

The groan of appreciation is barely audible but it feels far less so as it bounces off the walls of her empty office. Lena would be embarrassed- she’s always been fairly quiet during sex- but her attention is elsewhere. Specifically its focused on the tip of the vibrator as it meanders back and forth, though now with a bit more urgent intent. It teases her entrance before gliding slowly back up through the wetness, navigating around, just shy of her clit, retracing the path once more. 

Lena imagines Supergirl traversing the same path with her tongue, stopping intermittently to muttering filthy praise for Lena- the way she looks, tastes, and the way Lena’s intentionally manufactured facade of perfection crumbles so easily beneath the Super’s hands. Lena imagines one of those hands reaching up, alternatively raking then smoothing over Lena’s torso. Lena’s own hand traces that path, adding a few sharp pinches to her nipples for good measure. 

In her mind, Supergirl’s cheeks nestle and rub softly between Lena’s thighs, and Lean smooths a palm there in its stead, though hardly the same. She let’s the teasing continue a few minutes more but on the next trip she finally presses against her clit in earnest and swears she sees stars. Lena’s mouth drops open in gaping appreciation, and she tilts the vibrator for a bit broader connection as she continues to circle, tease and smooth across herself. 

She writhes impatiently, cunt clenching in futile desperation, wanting to be filled until she finally- _finally_ \- shifts her hand and pushes inside. The vibrator slides inside with ease and she lets herself mould around it greedily for a second before beginning a torturously slow rhythm, in and out. Lena imagines Supergirl’s fingers inside her instead. She thinks of those fingers, those hands and focuses on them. First of their tender delicate intentions and then of the raw power harnessed behind them- and soon she finds herself riding harder- bucking up to meet each thrust.

In her mind, Supergirl straddles her, the weight of her solid atop Lena as she plunges deeper, harder, faster. She imagines those eyes, such an intense blue- darkened with arousal, but gaze set hard on her own. She shifts her hand once more until the butt of her palm rubs against her clit with ever thrust and god she’s close. Hips judder irregularly, trying to catch, trying to get, trying to, just take and take and take and when she comes it’s hard enough to make her gasp.

Despite the image of red and blue that’s blazed behind her eyelids the whole time, it’s Kara’s name on her lips at climax. 

Lena rides to completion, taking her time and coming down before finally daring to open her eyes. Upon quick survey, she’s every bit the ravaged mess she feels. Shirt open, bra pushed up over her breasts. Her skirt has bunched up into a rumpled belt above her waist while her underwear sit ruined and pooled around her feet.  She pulls herself together as best she can, saying a silent note of thanks for her choice of easy-to-clean furniture, as she absently wipes off the black office chair with a few tissues.

A quick look at her compact’s mirror and it’s clear a few more touch ups are in order. Hair and makeup can be fixed easily enough, but the red flush of her cheeks, the plump of her lips where she bit them, still remain. As always, she wonders if Kara will notice. She wonders what she’ll say if asked.

She gathers her things, intent on heading home (shower definitely a must before bed), and picks up her phone to check the time. It’s almost half past 2, and she has several missed text messages. As she scrolls through, it’ becomes very clear that she won’t have to speculate about Kara guessing her evening’s debauchery.  

[12:45pm: Just finishing up some stuff at DEO, about to do a quick loop of the city- want any company after?]

[12: 52: Guess ur busy. Oh! Remind me to tell u this joke that Winn told me. It involves giraffes.]

[1:14: Hey, is everything alright? Haven’t heard from you.]

[1:17: Lena?]

[1:32: Alright, trying not to get worried. Text me back when you get this.]

[1:46: Okay, I know you’re probably just in the zone or whatever but if I don’t hear from you in the next five minutes, I’m coming by.]

[1:47: I’m on my way.] 

[1: 50: Well, seems like you have everything pretty well  _in hand_. I’ll let you finish up your “paperwork” in peace ;-) See you at home babe!]

It’s followed by a string emojis. It’s an incomprehensible mix of things that Lena can only assume are teasing in their insinuation (one of them was an eggplant). Lena rolls her eyes, but smiles and sends a quick text saying she’s on her way home. She receives another string of emojis back, these more of the cute and cuddly variety. 

Lena locks and secures the office behind her, leaving thoughts of her evening there as well, as she looks forward to a hot shower and soft cuddles that await her at home. After all, at the end of the day, that’s the version of Kara that she finds herself craving the most.

 

*_*_*_*_*

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I’m a fan and voracious reader of smut, it’s not my strong suit writing-wise. For those of you who read this chapter- I hope it was okay? We’ll return to our soft and much less explicitly rated story next chapter :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this chapter months ago, but the most recent episodes just spurred me to finally finish it (and the last two chapters as well, hopefully coming soon).

 

*_*_*_*_*

 

Dark gold tendrils of hair fan out above her like a crown as she floats effortlessly, bobbing with the gentle ebb of the ocean current. Kara’s skin contrasts against the deep blue backdrop, muscles relaxed in a way reminiscent of a cat- liquid but lethal.

She opens one eye, as if she could feel the weight of Lena’s gaze. A lazy smile stretches across her face before she turns over and cuts a clean line through the water back to the boat.

The vacation had been Maggie’s idea, brought up at one of her and Lena’s monthly lunch dates. _“You look tired,”_ she’d announced. _“When was the last time you took some time off?”_

_“Never,”_ Lena snorted, equal parts amused and disgusted with the accuracy of her answer. The rest of the evening morphed into Maggie moving her from pre-contemplative to action, and by the end she already had a pretty good idea where she’d like to go. It took two months to plan and another to convince Kara to take the time off with her as well, but it only took three hours on the private yacht in the Caribbean for both of them to agree it was a good decision.

Kara climbs up the ladder and onto the deck, pausing to wring her hair out before slicking it back into a sloppy bun. She grabs a towel, eyeing Lena’s dry appearance, “When did you get out?”

“About an hour ago,” Lena smiles, setting aside her book. “Shortly after you fell asleep. Don’t worry- I was keeping an eye out so you didn’t float too far.”

“I can’t help it!” The whine is diffused through a smile. “The sun here is just so strong.”

Indeed it was, and while it sends Lena searching for shade, Kara can’t seem to get enough. She seems super-charged here and Lena swears sometimes- after a particularly long time basking- Kara’s skin seems to glow.

She sits down on the end of Lena’s lounge chair and the heat radiating from her is enough to make Lena’s leg sweat. “I can’t believe we have to go home tomorrow.”

“Back to reality,” Lena sighs.

“It’s such an amazing experience, coming here. The wildlife, the culture, the fact that can see what’s in the water without x-ray vision…” she smirks. “There are so many people who’ll never have the opportunity to see any of it.”

“We’re really lucky,” Lena hums in agreement. She hopes this isn’t Kara’s prelude into another _‘I feel guilty about abandoning my post’_ conversation.

Kara bites her lip, and something in the shift confirms this is not going to be about their vacation. “Lena, I’ve been thinking- _just thinking_ \- “ she clarifies quickly, “- but I wanted to talk with you about something. Or, uh, begin to at least.”

A million possibilities running through Lena’s mind. Most of them to do with Kara leaving her in one way or another. “What’s is it?”

“I uh…” she tucks an invisible strand of hair behind her ear. “I was wondering if you ever thought about kids. Like, having some. Or acquiring some. Yeah.”

Her stomach flips in that uneasy way, like she’s been caught red-handed in a lie or with one foot sneaking out the window. That was not the question she expected, and it must show all over her face because Kara doesn’t even let her answer.

“Oh _Rao_ , I knew I shouldn’t have- I should have waited until we got back. Or a few more months. Or years. Or-“

“No, it’s fine, I was just caught off guard is all," and even though that’s true, there’s more left unsaid. “What brought this up?”

Kara shrugs. “There was this girl at the hospital last week. Her social worker called me over as I was dropping someone else off, said the girl was in foster care and there for a sprained wrist… actually she said ‘ _another_ sprained wrist’,” Kara frowns. “Anyway the worker asked if I’d say hello because I’m the girl’s hero and I did and the way her face lit up…” Kara stares down at her hands. “There’re just so many kids who need homes and families, just like we did… It made me think, is all.”

_Just like we did._ Lena thinks of the period just before she came to live with the Luthor’s. People flowing in and out and talking about her like she wasn’t right there. There were a few that did talk to her (and more importantly, listened) and Lena tries to picture herself on that side now. What would it be like, to be the person that someone looked to for guidance and safety? What would it feel like to have someone needing her, depending upon her, for comfort?

“Do you think you’d ever want that?” Kara asks quietly. “To be a mom?”

Lena’s stomach twists again uncomfortably because right now, she’s really not sure if she has enough of what’s needed to supply someone else. “I don’t think I’m ready for that- if I’d ever be ready for that.” She looks away, afraid of whatever Kara’s reaction might be (Disappointment? Disgust?). “I’d like to be, but I don’t know.”

 “Lena…” Kara’s voice is soft. “I know that Lillian was awful but you’re nothing like her. You’re-“

“-It’s not that,” she cuts her off. “Well, not _entirely._ It’s more like… part of me thinks maybe I’d be better served if I tried to help kids other ways.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know, whenever I think about it all I think is that one child isn’t enough. Or two even. How do you live with that decision, picking one child from a crowd of hundreds, thousands?” Her heart clenches at the thought of it. “Kids over the age of 10 are half as likely to get adopted but make up the majority of those in foster care. These kids are growing up and aging out of the system completely alone and no one is even noticing.”

“I just,” she shrugs. “I want to help them _all_ , you know?”

“Yeah,” Kara says, note of sadness. “I know.”

“So, what about you?” Lena asks, eager to get the spotlight off herself. “Do you want kids?”

Kara bites her cheek and tucks her arm behind her head in thought. “I think so. I was so lucky to have the Danvers, to have family around me- even if it wasn’t the family I grew up with...”

She sighs. “But then I think about when Jeremiah disappeared. What it did to Eliza and Alex and I just…” She shrugs, a bit defeated. “My work is so dangerous, and we’re both so busy… I just wouldn’t want to anything less than 100% there for a kid is all.”

“Agreed,” and Lena tries not to think of the Luthor mansion, the empty rooms and lonely evenings after Lex left for college. She shakes her head a little, dismissing them. Kara shifts a little as well, and Lena wonders if she’s shaking something too. She changes the subject.

“Also, out of curiosity, how would you getting pregnant… work?” she asks, smirk curling on her lips. “I mean, as a Kryptonian is it… different?”

Kara chuckles. “If this is your way of propositioning me Lena, it needs some work.”

“Oh shut up,” she says, pinching Kara’s side, before snuggling closer.

Her ear is pressed to Kara’s chest, the steady thump like a beacon in the dark. “We have time you know. So much time to figure it out.”

“I know. “

“Let’s keep talking about it when we get back. I’d like to keep figuring it out, I mean.”

“Me too.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Lena.”

 

*_*_*_*_*

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter I've struggled with the most. It's the first one I wrote and have been revising and worrying over and revising some more- before relaxing and giving into the fact that some people might not jive with it and that's just going to have to be okay. This is the fic I wanna write and in doing so I wanted to talk about some tricky stuff- the stuff that doesn't always get written about because... well lots of reasons I suppose. We get so few explicitly Ace characters in media, it’s tempting to put forth something very straight forward, the purest or simplest form- in hopes that people unfamiliar with asexuality might gain a perspective or understanding they may not have had exposure to before. Don’t get me wrong, I love that, most of this fic is exactly that… but I also really wanted to write about some of the stuff that doesn’t fit into a neat little box. 
> 
> This chapter has Kara _talking_ about sex. Specifically, about discerning between not wanting it, wanting to want it, and actually wanting it, which is... a very strange line at times. As I've said before several chapters prior, asexuality is very different for different people. Some Ace folks do have sex with their partners, others are very fulfilled just giving sexual pleasure but not receiving any. This version of Ace!Kara doesn’t fall into those categories necessarily, but does represent one of the multitudes of possibilities for Ace peeps in their relationships. Anyway, while it's just talk herein, but I wanted to give warning just the same, just in case. Okay, enough talk for now. Enjoy.

 

*_*_*_*_*

 

Months flow by so fast these days. A flurry of Tech start-ups have been keeping LCorp on its toes- and Lena at her desk, well past midnight each night.

When her phone rings at 3am, she all but falls off her office couch trying to answer it, knocking her water glass onto the floor in the process. The shatter cuts through her sleepy haze enough for her to be halfway cogent when she answers. "Hello?"

 

*_*_*

 

As soon as she walks into the bar, Alex rushes up to meet her. “You didn’t need to come down. I have it handled.”

Lena rolls her eyes, and continues into the room. “Yes, that’s why I’ve been getting texts from her every 3 minutes.”

Alex steps in front of her, causing Lena to stop short. “Okay, but you _really_ shouldn’t be here Lena. You know what this place is right?”

“ _Yes, Alex_ ,” and she can’t help but keep the anger out of her voice because Kara’s sister or not, Alex just hit a nerve. “This is an _alien_ bar, so I’m pretty sure _neither_  of us should be here, but that's a discussion for another day. Right now all I intend is to collect your drunken sister, and go home.” She shoulders her way past Alex towards the booth in the corner. 

"LENA!" Kara squeals excitedly, lurching to unsteady feet. She wraps her arms around Lena like an octopus, equally as strong and just as squirmy. “You came!”

“I did,” and she can’t help smile back at Kara’s goofy grin.

"Lena _Luthor_?”

The question is too loud and the inflection too familiar to be anything but bad news. Lena pivots (Kara still hanging off her) and stares up into a face of a very surly looking creature.

Out of the corner of her eye she sees Alex stiffen, posture shifting, readying. Lena appreciates the back up, but has been fighting this battle for longer than Alex can imagine. She straightens her spine, looks the alien right in his third and fourth eyes and confirms, "Yes. I'm Lena Luthor."

The alien chuckles lowly before thrusting out their arm.

She braces for an impact that doesn't come. The alien continues to hold his arm out for a moment before Lena realizes it's for a handshake. She takes it, still slightly bewildered.

"Thank you," they say, several others behind them nodding in agreement. "For the lives of the aliens of National City. More than a couple of times, actually."

She’s not sure who starts it but suddenly there is clapping, applause. Applause for her. Kara whoops and joins in, nearly sliding off Lena in the process.

"My friends and I would like to buy you a drink Ms. Luthor," the alien says, bared teeth now clearly a smile. 

"Oh, that’s very gracious of you,” Lena blushes a bit, unused to this kind of positive attention. “But I think I should get this one home.” 

"More aliens to save,” they chuckle lightly. “Another time perhaps."

"Yes, perhaps. But um... Thank you. _Really_."

They shrug, "We're all on the same team."

She nods, before helping Kara out the door and into the night.

 

*_*_* 

 

"Ugh, you are like, the best texture."

Lena snorts a laugh, "Just what every girl wants to hear."

"No but really. You're _just- so_ \- _tender_." Kara punctuates each word with a squeeze of Lena's upper arm. "I can't help squishing you." 

“I aim to please,” she places the book on the nightstand. Reading was bound to be futile while Kara’s still tipsy. “What were you guys celebrating tonight anyway?”

“Lucy’s in town,” Kara shrugs through a yawn.

“Ah.”

“Can we get back to you though please?” Kara wines and Lena can’t help but smile. “Listen, you’re like _plush_. Your skin is so soft and cool and pliant and sometimes I just wanna like… press my whole body into yours and just _feel_ all of you all at once.”

Lena chuckles, "Well your welcome to, darling."

Kara all but pounces on top of her and Lena lets out a little _Oof_. Kara is anything but "plush". More like pure muscle; tender, but definitely solid.

Kara wriggles a bit on top of her, trying to find a good spot, before turning attention back to Lena. She nuzzles her nose under Lena’s jaw, dropping kisses and mumbling a quiet mix of Kryptonese and English, the common theme of praise for Lena's body- making her blush.

Hands start to roam over Lena’s skin, up and down her arms. Fingers rake through her hair slow but heavy, and Kara shifts herself a bit in an attempt to get closer.

And then the shifting becomes a bit more… focused. "Kara?"

"Mmmm?" Kara says, lips buried in Lena's neck, the warm vibration causing heat to spread to entirely different areas.

"You're uh..." Lena bites her lip, and slides a hand down to rest on the side of Kara's hips, where they have been, minutely but definitively grinding on her.

"Oh." Kara says, stilling finally. “Sorry.”

Lena detects a note of disappointment though. "Do you need some, alone time?"

Kara sighs, rolling off Lena and flopping heavily on the mattress beside her.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing,” she shrugs. “It's hard to explain."

"I'm happy to listen if you want to try..."

"It’s just... " Kara takes another deep breathe, hands gesturing helplessly. "It’s just that sometimes, once in a while, I kinda want to, ya know, try…"

"Try?"

“Try stuff.” She bites the inside of her cheek. “Like… sex stuff." Kara voice cracks a bit on the word ‘sex’ and Lena’s at a bit of a loss.

“Tell me what that means,” she says, placing her hand on Kara's.

“I don’t know… sometimes I’m kinda turned on, and in a weird mood, and I feel like maybe I wanna, I dunno, check? To see if maybe… _ugh_ this sounds even more stupid when I say it out loud,” Kara grumbles, exasperated. Lena waits.

“It’s like… it’s like amusement parks,” she tries again. “Even though I know I hate the rides, and even though most of the time it’s loud and noisy and I’m totally not interested, sometimes I wish I could think it was fun like everyone else seems to?”

Kara shrugs, “I guess, sometimes I feel like maybe I might enjoy it, even though I haven’t before and I just wanna, ya know, try? Like make sure?... _Rao_ , it’s such a betrayal.”

“Betrayal of what?”

Kara shrugs, but Lena can see the way her eyes have gone glassy, her lip trembles slightly. She looks away when she speaks again. “I… I love who I am. It took a while to understand and accept, but I _do_. I really do. But I think these thoughts and-“ she takes a shaky breath, holding off the tears, “ -and makes me wonder if I’m not actually as okay as with myself as I thought.“

“ _It’s not a betrayal_ ,” Lena says quickly. “And wishing or wondering what it would be like if things were different isn’t wrong either- if that’s part of it. Everyone thinks that once in a while _._ ”

“You don’t,” Kara says, wiping at a stray tear that managed to slip out.

“ _Of course_ I do. “ Lena rolls her eyes. “Not just the Luthor thing either. Do you know how many nights in my life I fell asleep thinking about how much easier things would be if I didn’t like women?”

She smiles lightly, and squeezes Kara’s arm in the way that she knows she finds comforting. “The only thing that matters is being honest with yourself. As long as you make sure that you’re doing something because **you** want to- not because you think you should or because someone else thinks you should- you’re good.”

Lena pauses, debating a moment before speaking again. “Why haven’t we talked about this before?”

“Because there’s a very, very good possibility if we did try something, I’d stop it right away, or wouldn’t finish, and I don’t want to do that- you know, to you and I just?...” Kara searches for the words.

“Well, I definitely think we need a few more conversations about this before anything happens- preferably in the post 7am world, where you’re more sober and I’m more awake,” Lena chuckles. “But we can figure it out.”

“How are you not mad about this?” Kara shakes her head.

“Why would I be mad?”

“Not mad then, _frustrated_.” she sighs. “I’ve asked… so much, and you’ve been nothing but supportive when it comes to my boundaries and now here I am saying something totally different and… yeah.”

“Well, first of all, I don’t think what you’re saying is different at all,” Lena smiles. “And second, if it’s important to you to _check_ once in a while, than like I said, we can figure it out.”

Kara rolls over, burying her face in Lena’s shoulder. “You’re incredible, you know that?”

“I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, is all,” she smiles, a tinge of sadness lurking behind it. “Other than Lex, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my own stuff, so I try and take my time and understand.”

She bites her lip, thinking of years of silently wondering, doubting, floundering alone with questions about herself. “I think you’re… really brave to share how you feel, Kara.”

Kara goes very quiet at that. Eventually she mumbles, “There’s something I’ve been putting off. Remind me to call Maggie tomorrow?”

“I will,” and Lena holds her curiosity as Kara cuddles closer around her. “You okay?”

“I am now,” Kara sighs. “I love you, Lena.”

“Love you too.”

 

*_*_*_*_*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, welcome to chat about Ace!Kara or anything else over on tumblr (spicycheeser.tumblr.com) Feel free to say hi!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter! Enjoy! :)

 

*_*_*_*_*

 

She feels her phone buzz in her pocked for the third time in as many minutes. She doesn’t have to look to know it’s Maggie, asking where the hell she is.

Kara was supposed to meet her at the LGBT+ Teen Center ten minutes ago.

She doesn’t have a good excuse (not that someone with super speed and the ability to fly should ever really have an excuse for being late). For now, she digs out her phone and shoots off a quick text that she’s one her way. In reality, she’s been here for the last 45 minutes; standing in the alley across the street, paralyzed with indecision.

Today will be the second time she’s visited the center. The first was a few months ago, tagging along unofficially to help the kids set up for the Holiday Craft Fair they host.

She’d been so nervous, following Maggie around timidly until the cop had enough and assigned her to help a group of kids work on the banner.

At first it’d felt a bit like high school. She introduced herself, and received three blank stares. Finally one teen reached out their hand.  _“I’m Trent,”_  they said, shaking shaggy dark hair out of their eyes and giving Kara a kind smile. “ _This is Bobbi and Alice.”_

 _“Kara.”_ She shook their hand and the questions began. Where did she work, how old was she, what did she like to do, and finally- why she was there. “ _You hafta do community service or somethin’?”_  Alice asked, eyes narrowing skeptically in a way that reminded Kara of Alex.

When Kara said that she’d only recently come out herself, there were far more questions. “ _You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,”_  Trent assured her confidently, echoing the same thing Maggie told her when they walked in that morning. Kara did answer though and the students listened, fully focused. When she in turn asked about them- what they like to do, etc.- she was overwhelmed by the response. They shared their own experiences and stories and Kara did not remain dry-eyed for long. The strength of those kids, the things they endured, the faith they retained that things would get better, and the relief they shared (just like Kara did) when they learned they weren’t alone, was incredibly powerful.

Four hours later, Kara left the building with three new friends and the same feeling she has the end of a long day of superhero-ing: The feeling that something good happened today, and the knowledge of how much more work needed doing.

Which is why she’s returned today. Except this time, she’s supposed to be a guest speaker. She’s supposed to be speaking as a successful reporter, working for one of the biggest and (according to the last issue of  _The Advocate_ ) most LGBT friendly media outlets in the country. She’s supposed to be speaking about her work, about her partner (Lena gave her blessing to talk about whatever Kara felt comfortable with), and about her coming out story again.

In short, they’re expecting Guest Speaker Kara Danvers and that’s the crux of her dilemma.

She could do it- walk in there, talk about all of that- and it would undoubtedly be fantastic. As fantastic as it was the last time, maybe more so. It would be great and uplifting and supportive and  _fine_...

…. Except that’s not what Kara  _really_  wants to do.

What Kara really wants to do is far scarier, which is why she’s spent almost an hour standing in the shadowed alley, hiding from what she knows she should do. From what she is  _clearly_  going to do- but trying to muster the courage for.

Kara runs over it in her mind. What are the downsides again?

Well… anytime she’s in the spotlight, in any way, she’s putting things at risk. Things, being much more than her pride of course. The Center is just one, small organization though. A couple dozen kids, a few adults, it’s not like there’s going to be a major media outlet there right?

Of course, part of her wishes there was and knows there should be. It’s the same part of her that left the Center last time, wanting to scream into the void that people should know, should want to help! Homeless kids, ones in foster homes or just not welcome fully in their own. They need to know they’re not alone and they need to know that people are listening and-

 _Crud_. She’s going to do it isn’t she? Yeah. She has to.

Kara’s last thought before she strides out of the alley and back into the sunlight is that Alex is going to kill her.

She meets Maggie at the backdoor to the center, the very rare expression of surprise on the cop’s face enough to make Kara think twice.

The expression doesn’t last long, fluidly melting into one of gentle concern. “You sure?” she asks, kindly- always so kind.

Kara nods, swallowing the last of her hesitations. “Yeah.”

“Awesome.”

Kara follows Maggie inside, down the hallway toward the main function room. She’s about to step out onto the makeshift stage, when she stops. “Hey, Maggie, can you do me a favor?”

“Sure,” she shrugs.

“Call James. Tell him to have the press out front in an hour.”

Maggie blinks. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

Maggie’s expression morphs slowly, into a complete, shit-eating grin. “Your sister is going to kill you.”

Kara grins back, unable to help herself. “Totally worth it.”

 

*_*_*

 

In the days and weeks after, she re-reads her quotes in the papers, in magazines, on the cover of CatCo even. Things like,  _‘-not just an ally, but a member of the queer community’_ , and ‘ _Stronger Together, and I believe that’_. And, of course, about the LGBT+ Center itself and the need there. The need everywhere.  She watches news clips and see political comics, many (amusingly) depicting her iconic red cape transformed into a rainbow one, flapping in triumphantly behind her. She hears and sees it all, both the uplifting and the disparaging, but just like bullets they all ricochet off her consciousness.

What does penetrate, what is seared in her mind’s eye, is the look on the kids’ faces that day. When she stepped out on the makeshift stage, in full Supergirl ensemble, and introduced herself- not just as the symbol they’ve come to know, but as one of them, a member their community- what she received were looks of pure joy. Looks of relief, in some way, and looks of comfort. Kara knows because it’s the same look, the same way  _she_  felt in that bar, years ago, when Maggie held her hand and told her she wasn’t alone.

Now that Supergirl has outed herself, she hopes there are more people who can feel that way- just a bit less alone.

She’s told James, Cat, everyone really, that she won’t be taking any more interviews or providing any more quotes. She’s said enough for now and any more really does puts her identity at risk (something Alex made known  _very loudly_  as soon as that initial press conference was over). So for now it’s back to her normal routine. Back to her work with the DEO and with Catco. To her family, immediate and extended. To Lena.

It’s been a long time since she first landed on Earth, an alien in every sense of the word- even to herself. Over the years she’s gone through many changes and the growing pains and adjustments that went with them. Now though, as she flies high over the city, she feels calm, at peace. She feels a sense of integration, of being herself- her true self- that she hasn’t felt since back on Krypton.

She’s happy, and ready for whatever adventures come next.

 

*_*_*_*_*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The-the-the-That's all folks. :) 
> 
> I want to take a minute and say again just how incredibly floored I've been by the kudos and comments left and general reception this has gotten. I was and continue to be completely moved, as well, by those who've said that this story touched them in some way. I feel pretty strongly that representation matters and the more and different types of stories and characters out there, the better. I'm glad to have been able to add to the categories of both 'asexual character' as well as 'healthy relationship' on that front! :) 
> 
> It probably comes as no great shock after reading this fic, that I identify along the Ace spectrum as well (*cue the collective gasp*- har har), so this story has also been fun and somewhat cathartic to write for that reason too. I can also vouch, as someone in a healthy and very long term relationship with a partner whom is NOT on that spectrum, that the kind of relationship depicted here really _can_ exist outside the world of fiction too :) (Like I said, representation matters which is why I mention it) :) 
> 
> ANYWAY, thank you all again for reading! So glad you liked my little fic :) Cheers!


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